


The Unintended Repercussions of "The Plan"

by arrowbrowsing



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Abusive Parents, Anal Sex, College AU, F/F, F/M, Gay, Gen, M/M, Oral Sex, Political, Republicans, Stockholm Syndrome, Suicide Attempt, Trans Characters, Trans Male Character, VV GAY GOTTA STRESS THAT, climaxing, compulsory heterosexuality, democrats, female orgasm, lots of the relationships, manipulative behaviors, multiple climaxes, setting up characters, uhh there's like really minor heterophobia i guess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-11-06 00:54:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 26,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11025174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arrowbrowsing/pseuds/arrowbrowsing
Summary: [Summary changed] When Alexander is introduced to a group who call themselves "The Revolutionaries," he is quickly thrown into a massive plot to get Thomas Jefferson, son of the Virginian Senator, and his good friend, James Madison, together. Alexander finds it difficult not to fall in love immediately.





	1. revolutions start small

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: This isn't about the historical characters in the slightest, just the characters Lin Manuel wrote and what the actors projected onto them. Most of the founding fathers were sexist, racist assholes. The play's great though.  
> I also had the image of the original cast while writing, so the descriptions will reflect that.

This was a party alright. The one you always see in movies. Maybe the person throwing it was trying too hard, maybe this effect was something that just happened. This was being held at one of the empty buildings used primarily for testing, and since that was over, it was only natural to try to sweet talk the dean into being able to throw a party there. I mean, it worked, Alexander thought, so it wasn't that stupid of an idea. Still pretty stupid though.  
The thumping music could be heard through the skeleton of the house, and the would-be darkness was lit with something that reminded Alexander of those children's museums with the dark rooms that had purple and green fluorescent spots scattered around. Not the best vibe.  
There was no way to ignore the chatter, it was something Alexander would be surprised if this party came without. An occasional yell or scream could be heard from an opposing room, which only made it that more evident that people were getting lost in the chaos of the party. Chaos isn't really my scene, Alexander thought. It's not like it wasn't going to become it, though, at least for the night. He'd made a decision, and as the years went on, he'd realized that a mind-made up was one of the hardest things to argue with.  
He thought of all this while slowly approaching the end of the hallway, where the noise got louder, where the bass felt deeper.  
As soon as he walked through the door frame he felt an intense need to NOT be noticed by anyone he knew. The room had to have had about fifty people in it for now, but it still didn't make his chances feel any lower. There were only a handful of people who could recognize him, and if he played his cards right, it wouldn't be a problem. He'd have to keep his eyes peeled, stay at the center of the crowd, but veered off from the popular group, yunno, the people who could recognize him.  
He walked over to the drinks. He didn't plan on getting drunk tonight, so he choose the most neutral-looking punchbowl. If he wanted to, he could just walk around the house with his headphones, potentially grab the attention of some other wanderers, but then again, did he really want to-  
"Alex! You made it."  
Shiiiit.  
"Y-yeah." Alexander tried not to make his displeasure evident. He faked a laugh. "Sounds like you were debating whether or not to put a question mar-"  
"What? Sorry, it's super fucking loud in here-" Alexander scrunched his nose, maintaining a wavering smile. "Hey," She gestured to the bowls, tipping her head up. "Don't drink anything, Lee was here earlier and he- well... Let's get somewhere more quiet." She grabbed his hand, immediately pulling, forward in the direction she was going. "Come on."  
He really didn't want her hand to be leading him through a crowd of awkward dancers, batshit lovers, and the most frat-guy frat-guys Alexander had ever laid eyes on, but there was no socially acceptable way to get out of here. Not without causing future awkward conversations and situations that he didn't want any part in.  
She brought him to a room with a different lighting setting. It looked like the resting place of someone who never rested anywhere in their life. Poofy couches, ugly patterns on the walls and pillows, and a coffee table far too low. He liked it much better than the previous room. Alexander could actually... breath. Or something like that. It was nice- well, better.  
"Sorry for dragging you out so quickly. I was really hoping for you to come, and when I saw you, I had already promised everyone you'd be here-"  
This was Luella. If he was being honest, Alexander would have to say she annoyed the shit out of him. Really got on his nerves, he'd revise. She'd been on him since he showed up, collecting data from him like he was a test subject. He let his political opinions slip one time, and when asked why he stood the way he did, well, that's why he's standing here. He kept his smile, expanding it to show his teeth and then letting it slightly fall when she was say one thing and then another. It was all fake. He didn't like talking to this woman, he could just fake his interest. Alexander caught himself mid-mind-wandering. He attempted focused on her words.  
"They're just in the kitchen if you want to see them."  
"Oh, uh, yeah, sure. I'm sure they're DYING to meet me." He put an emphasis on 'dying,' and it was cheesy. But new people liked cheesy. Charisma only got him so far, but it got him as far as he needed, from his experience at least.  
She just smiled, gave a short "hmm," and walked in the direction of the kitchen. Well, he assumed. He followed, no reason not too, and stopped when she did. Sure enough, they were in a kitchen, and, low and behold, there were people inside. They looked so comfortable, so uniform. They all fit, only stirring slightly at Luella's (and Alexander's) presence. Nothing like Alexander. He longed to be a part of that, to have his place... somewhere.  
"Hey guys, this is Alex, Alexander Hamilton, and he's bi." She beamed. She was so goddamn proud of herself. Alexander could try his best to stop himself from getting pissed off, but he had had enough. He kept the same fluctuating smile.  
"So we've heard," a woman leaning against a counter almost groaned. She was wearing a red vest, probably a tank top underneath, and some black buttoned shorts that went about two inches short of halfway to her knees. She had makeup on as well, dark lipstick, winged eyeliner, and, damn, that eyeshadow was done really well. Alexander felt awkward after realizing how long he had been looking at her. She was just... pretty. Beautiful. She didn't seem to notice or at least mind his stares.  
Luella lingered for a bit before clearing her throat. "Well, I better get back. I'll see ya," she nudged him. Alexander didn't even turn back, he just... nodded. He couldn't be bothered to try to think what was the respectable response. There was silence in the room for a few seconds, and Alexander kept his eyes to the floor, seriously not wanting to further objectify anyone. Someone finally spoke up.  
"So..." a man's voice from the left of him coughed. Alexander looked up in that direction. "We've got some free time before we've got our 'business.'" The guy emphasized the last word with quotation marks. The guy had on a hoodie on some pretty loose fitting jeans. His hair was loosely tied back in a ponytail, Alexander could see slight curls. Alexander was no stranger to long hair, he had his in a bun now, but it wasn't his hair that kept Alexander staring. The guy had a nice face, of course, and he was actually fairly pretty, but there was another thing that really sold it for Alexander. His freckles. He noticed them before anything. They looked like a galaxy, distributed... wonderfully. Alexander was careful not to look to long, but images of the man were fresh in his mind, and Alexander felt something in his stomach clenching.  
The man smiled, and Alexander felt his heart melt, if only a little bit. "Why doesn't this poor man introduce himself? I mean, explain himself a little more than who he fucks." Alexander snickered and looked down, licking his bottom lip. Why are you so goddamn helpless?  
"What is there to know besides that? Nothing is more important," A french voice used heavy sarcasm. The man sitting on the counter was the one speaking. He was definitely more dressed up than Freckles- or John.  
"Right, I forget," John raised a hand in the direction of the man who had just spoke, nodding. "It's all a matter of who you sleep with. Very black and white, all of it."  
"Considering that this is a very heteronormative mindset, it's only appropriate those are the colors of the straight pride flag," Alexander said, sort of without thinking. The guy on the counter scoffed and muttered "straight pride" to himself, but soon he was chuckling quietly and smiling up at Alexander. So was John, his smile soft. Alexander hoped to God he wasn't going as red as he felt.  
"There you go," John raised the same hand as before, this time in Alexander's direction. "This kid. I like him."  
"You just like him because he's helping you guys make fun of straight people," the fourth and final inhabitant of the room said. He was sitting at a small table, drinking some water. Not the most college thing, but it is a very high school thing to spike punch, so Alexander could understand the guys adaptations.  
John sighed exaggeratedly, letting his shoulders slump. "You're right. I'm just another straight-hating gay that only fucks other straight haters," he pouted, and Alexander just exhaled.  
The fourth man snorted. "Not far from the truth."  
"Got it, we're all gay as hell, but some people are only gay on schedule. It's time to go." Red vest girl interrupted him. Everyone stood up to walk out of the room. John walked towards...Alexander, strangely enough.  
"You're lucky you're here for this. Seriously though, who are you?"  
"Kid from the Carribean, honestly." Alexander had no idea what 'this' was, but he hoped the narrative would work itself out soon.  
"Really?" He raised his eyebrows. Alexander tried to keep his eye on red-vest, but he kept finding himself looking at John.  
"There's also a life story behind that statement, if you're willing to hear."  
"Got all night. 'Course, don't want to miss this."  
"What is 'this?'" He decided he didn't want to wait for it.  
John laughed, the same kind, genuine, fucking amazing laugh. Alexander felt his heart stop, again. "It's a bit complex, but essentially-"  
"John, try not to fall behind, this is a one shot situation."  
"I got that, Laf."  
"Laugh?" Alexander asked.  
"No, it's short for-"  
"Lafayette. Go ahead, this is your part, I will talk with straight-hater here."  
"Look, I don't want to be known as-" Alexander started, but Lafayette laughed.  
"No stress, mon ami," he looked at John. "Go, Maria WILL be out for blood." John frowned, his eyebrows raised, but soon he shrugged and ran ahead. Lafayette wasted no time in picking up the pace again.  
"Luella," he started, "she is not very... delicate. She does mean well."  
"I'm sure," Alexander breathed. "What did she say to you guys anyway?"  
"Something along the lines of 'I found another one of you.'"  
"Typical."  
"Oui," he laughed again. "If you want to know the truth, she had... shit, what is the word?"  
Alexander pondered. Oh. "Ulterior motives?" He suggested.  
"That does sound like it should be right. Her and Hercules, big guy, used to be... intimate. He broke it off, she was too intense. I doubt she has moved on."  
It's not like Alexander had any reason to believe he wasn't being used. Of course, it hurt, just a little.  
"Don't know how she planned to get anywhere with him through me," Alexander thought aloud. Lafayette turned right and began to walk up a flight of stairs, Alexander following behind.  
"Who knows," Lafayette was up two or three stairs ahead of him. "All I do know is we got something to gain out of it."  
Alexander smiled to himself. "Glad I made a good impression," he called out ahead of him so Lafayette could hear. He reached the top of the stairs. Lafayette placed his hands on Alexander's shoulders.  
"Monsieur Hamilton, I believe we are going to be quite a pair of friends,"  
He said, a slight smile curling at the edge of his lips. Being pressed for time, however, he quickly let go and looked over into an opening to the left of the staircase. Alexander, again, followed.  
John was alone, but Alexander could see someone walking away from him. After they had left, John sighed before giving two thumbs up. Alexander smiled internally at his obvious displeasure in doing so.  
"That is the signal. Follow me."  
Alexander did consider mentioning just how ridiculous that was, and likely would've- if he wasn't out of breath from the pace he was following Lafayette at. They had returned to the bustle of the party. He stopped suddenly, looking directly at one man. "This is where we depart, mon ami. Find Maria, she must be near by."  
And with that, he was off. Alexander had no idea where to start. It didn't take long before he felt completely hopeless, and, not wanting to wait around and feel worse, he decided to just head back to the dorm. That was until he heard someone calling his name.  
"Alex! Over here!" Alexander practically whirled around, happy to be free from his self-doubt. It was the last person to speak from the kitchen. "Don't get lost man, you can't miss this!"  
"Sorry," Alexander looked down, but only for a second. "And you can just call me Alexander."  
"And I can just call you Hamilton. I'm a millennial, things have to be simplified, right? Let's keep it that way, Al."  
Alexander groaned, but in a way that made it evident he wasn't too put off. Of course, Al was an awful name, for him at least, but he didn't care what people called him. Well, as long as it reflected the name his mother had given him.  
"You can shorten my name too, most people do, to Herc. Hercules is the name, sex's the game." He winked, but not in a way that was all that suggestive. Alexander laughed. It was more of a chuckle, but it was genuine. He could tell Herc appreciated it. "We should move our asses though," he looked around the room. "This way." He grabbed Alexander's arm, and Alexander had to note how much more comfortable it was to be pulled through by his hand as opposed to Luella's.  
"Alright, I'm curious," Hercules sighed as they made it into another room. "Anyone you've got your eyes on?"  
Alexander raised his eyebrows, somewhat surprised by the brutal deadpan. "Uhh, well..." he coughed, and tried to think of a good distraction. "Honestly, this is just as bad as Luella. I just met you guys."  
Hercules laughed, looking up. "Right. All I'm going to say is that it may or may not be pretty damn obvious when you check someone out. Who knows, maybe you'll get lucky."  
Alexander knew that finding someone who liked him wasn't an issue. The issue was finding someone he was interested in. Those didn't typically coincide, and when they did, it wasn't ever how he wanted it.  
Alexander then had to wonder who Hercules saw him checking out. If he was lucky, Hercules misinterpreted a look he gave someone thought he was checking them out. Probably not. He probably wouldn't be asking if it wasn't a friend of his. Alexander decided to turn the conversation around on him.  
"You interested in anyone, then?"  
Hercules paused, took a left. He gave a one word response. "Yeah."  
"Hope it goes well."  
"Who the hell knows. Not really a priority right now. This way, in here."  
They walked into a dark room. A very dark room. No museum fluorescent lights in here. There was a monitor, though, and the four from the kitchen were gathered around it now. Alexander walked over to Lafayette, Hercules, and John. Red-vest was starring intensely at the screen. "Pardon my french but...." Alex whispered. He could see Lafayette glancing back at him, and he smiled at him. "I've been kept in the dark long enough. What in the absolute fuck is happening?" He said, sort of laughing. Red-vest hushed him. John grabbed the back of Alexander's neck and pulled him close, his lips inches away from ear. The hair on the back of his neck went straight up. "Just watch the tv, man," he whispered, ending the sentence with a small laugh so he wouldn't seem so harsh. Then he let go of his neck. He looked back at the screen and rolled back his shoulders. Alexander stared at John's face, with his eyes shifting, his lips a slight frown. His face was so well shaped, his skin was such a beautiful light brown, and those fucking freckles-  
Sound finally emerged from the tv. A low voice. And a voice at a significantly higher pitch, with intense inflection. Alexander had turned to face the screen, finding the voice slightly annoying. It was hard to hear what they were saying. Red-vest turned the sound up. God, he should learn her name by now. Someone said it earlier, he just couldn't-  
"Thomas... if I am being honest, now seems like a better time than ever." The low voice had a bit of formality backing it.  
"For...? Are you, what, planning to do something?" The higher voice, Thomas responded. It suddenly occured to Alexander that this was live, somewhere else, probably in the building.  
"What is this?" He asked, quietly. Someone shushed him. Damn, fine.  
"It's the ballroom. Can you offer me a dance?" The first man asked.  
"Smooth. This is your plan? To literally waltz into my heart. Well, Goddammit," the second man laughed. "And I hate to admit it but... it's working."  
"Really?" The formality had faded slightly. It seemed the guy had actually been caught of guard. The other man laughed. Not mockingly, though. It was kind, genuine. It seemed dickish, but Alexander had to figure it was rare.  
"Here, I'll lead." The taller dark figure grabbed the other one's hand.  
"To what?"  
"Nothing. You have to learn to be good with no rhythm before you can be better with it." The higher voice had mellowed, and Alexander now had realized it belonged to the taller figure. Alexander had no idea if what he even said had any meaning, but guy #2 didn't seem bothered.  
The pair somewhat awkwardly fumbled to do a simple waltz, but they eventually got the hang of it. Alexander heard an "awww" from John and felt a smile form. It did look pretty adorable. Sickeningly sweet and totally cliche, but still sweet.  
Then there was a noise. It sounded like something had just been plugged into a speaker. The couple stopped for a second, but when 3/4 timed music ensued, they continued. Alexander could hear the music from outside of the room, not just the monitor speakers. "What?" Alexander couldn't help but voice his disbelief. He looked back. "Did you guys do all of this?"  
"Hon, it's not even done," Hercules said, folding his arms across his chest. "I've gotta see this," John walked towards the door. "I'm coming with," Alexander said, and followed.  
"That's fine," Hercules said, then yelled: "just don't do anything stupid!" John didn't respond.  
There was no speaking, just running. It wasn't that far of a distance anyway, so it wasn't like it was that awkward. Alexander could see a small crowd surrounding the area where the music was emitted. It was small enough that he could fit himself into the front, but big enough to give off a quite murmur of unwanted chatter.  
"Is that Jefferson's son?"  
"No idea he was ... what's his dad going to say?"  
"Are you sure this is-"  
"Two dudes dancing together isn't very straight is all I'm saying."  
"Watch out for Seabury, he'll have a fit."  
"Everyone with him will."  
"Doesn't mean he's gay... right?"  
Listening to the hushed conversations, Alexander began to wonder what the group setting all this up meant. "Hey, John?" He leaned over and tapped his shoulder, which got his attention. "Please actually fill me in. What'd you guys set this up for?"  
John thought for a second, likely considering whether Alexander should know. He SHOULD, thought Alexander. He was only getting more confused, and he was now involved, whether they liked it or not.  
"Maria registers it as a political statement." He finally said.  
"Maria..." Oh, red vest. "A political statement? What? Why?" Alexander took a deep breath. "I have so many questions."  
The couple kept dancing, the crowd's size kept expanding."She figures that since Thomas's dad, Thomas is the taller dude with the hair, just adamently forwared a bill which made it easier to abuse LGBT people in a multitude of ways..." John looked ahead at the two, who were now laughing and in each other's embrace. "She just wants to make a splash."  
"Oh... okay. Who's the other guy than?"  
"James Madison." John still wasn't looking back. "Some guy that Thomas has been," He laughed, licking his lips, "and he will hate me for saying this: hopelessly crushing on for a couple months. Maria thought this would be the best way to set the two up."  
"Lucky that it was requited," Alexander raised his eyebrows slightly, nodding.  
"Oh yeah. Well, we knew it was. We set all of this up. They both know the political uproar it will cause. They don't know it was our intention, but..." John trailed off, then looked back, but not to look at Alexander. "At least they're enjoying themselves."  
Alexander turned around as well. Someone was pushing through the crowd.  
"That's Seabury," John whispered. "And the cue."  
The crowd sporadically gasped and Alexander turned around to see what about. Thomas was cupping James' neck with his hand and draping his arm over his shoulder. The two were so close Alexander had to assume their lips were touching. They pulled away, and the music stopped. Alexander watched as the two walked away, arms around each other's waists, chatting and laughing into each others necks. It would have been perfect, if a little man who looked too overly dressed hadn't rushed after them.  
John grabbed Alexander's hand and tugged it. "Back to the room."  
When they got back, the exchange between the man, Seabury, and Thomas was getting heated. Seabury had just said what Thomas was doing would be seen as dirty or wrong, according to Lafayette. Thomas didn't respond, but he never once let go of James. Seabury continued about how he could make sure nothing ever got out about this, and didn't forget to mention how disgusting it was, again. Alexander felt his blood boil. He couldn't help but think of ways to refute everything Seabury was saying. He was afraid that Thomas wouldn't even budge, and would actually listen. He let go of James' arm and walked closer to Seabury. Alexander absolutely loved what happened next.  
He could hear Thomas audibley spit at the man. He eloquently added: "you know what you can do for me? Fuck off." As if that wasn't enough, he grabbed Seabury's arm and whispered something in his ear. Alexander never wanted to hear anything more in his life. Thomas took a step back, and cleared his throat. "Everyone," he started. "I hope you enjoyed the show. You all have been real' fucking creepy. Please refrain from pursuing us any further. James and I would like to be alone."  
Someone yelled a "what, so you can fuck?" And the both of them ignored it. A few minutes passed before Maria assumed they were in the comfort of some closet somewhere.  
"Alright," Maria turned around. "Not bad. I mean besides fucking Sam showing up."  
"Seabury?" Alexander asked Hercules. He nodded.  
"He did not seem the type to go to a thing like this," Lafayette said, but he didn't sound nervous. In fact, he seemed pretty pleased. "It did turn out good, though, did it not?"  
"Despite that," Maria sighed. "We have to be more careful. We all didn't know what Thomas was going to do."  
"I knew he was going to show up," John spoke up. "I'm sorry, I didn't tell you, but I knew it would work out-"  
"The fuck, Laurens?" Maria rubbed her temples. "You tell me everything that's going to happen, so it doesn't go wrong."  
"But it didn't."  
"It could've."  
Silence. Alexander had gotten so caught up in this, he hadn't even started to reevaluate how absurd the situation was. Four people he had just met were involved in some complicated plot to get a homophobic Senator's son hooked up with another man, a man who also had feelings for him. Their plan to do so was to make sure they would meet in the empty ballroom and begin dancing? That part was a bit far fetched for Alexander, but somehow, it worked. Then, people would start to assemble, and music would play. Alexander assumed the original plan was for them to kiss and then leave, which they did, but then Sam showed up. Alexander had no idea who he was supposed to be, but his character could basically be simplified to one word: conservative. Fortunately, Thomas made it obvious he didn't care what people thought, and the pair left. There's no way that wouldn't be talked about for at least a week. Alexander began to realize how parasitic he felt, being apart of this. They had to have been planning it for weeks, and he just stumbled along. They probably resented him for it, in some way. Especially Maria. He wondered what she looked like when she was happy. Lafayette spoke up.  
"It worked, and though, we could get hung up on the mistakes, we got the effect that we intended."  
"Let's not dehumanize it either," John said. "Two people who have been pining for God knows how long are now happy in each other's arms."  
"Probably fucking," Hercules said, yawning.  
"I swear to God, Herc..." Maria groaned, but she seemed to be less stressed. "Well, where to know?"  
"We can just got back to the apartment," started Lafayette.  
"Actually have some proper drinks," John added.  
"What about roomates?" Alexander asked. John laughed.  
"We are roomates. No need to worry."  
"Well then," Hercules stood up. "Let's get going."


	2. the first one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which two peole who seem to have clicked roght away get some time alone.

The apartment was standard, besides a few rainbow flags here and there, which Alexander had to smile at. Everyone walked in, and it was evident they all had their "place" in the apartment. John walked over to the fridge, grabbed a beer, then put a few on the counter for everyone else. Maria sat on a stool situated in the area between the kitchen and living room and pulled out her phone, typing rapidly. Lafayette put on what Alexander would describe as some quiet indie music, and Hercules sat down on the couch and stretched.   
Alexander began to doubt his place, but John quickly beckoned him over to where he was standing.  
"You drink?" He held out a bottle towards him. Alexander hesitated for a second before eventually taking it.   
"It's the weekend, so, sure I do." The lid was off, so Alexander didn't have to worry about looking like an idiot trying to open it.   
John gave a short laugh, he laughed so often, and then turned to face Lafayette. "Hey, Laf, you can play something louder, everybody's at that party anyway," John took swig. Alexander realized this guy was in no way a lightweight. He took a sip himself.   
"Well then, is there something you would like?" Lafayette leaned down to browse what was on the shelf. "We have Shins, Phoenix-"  
"Anything new?" John asked.   
"Mmm," Lafayette hummed while browsing. He stopped. "Oh no."  
"What?" John leaned over, still clutching his bottle.  
"It's probably that one 'baby-making playlist' his girlfriend made for him all those months ago," Hercules said, sitting up slightly.   
"Ex-girlfriend. Very much so." Lafayette corrected, sounding slightly irritated. Hercules sighed.   
"Wonder why that ended," Maria smirked, looking up from her phone. Alexander realized he liked her personality a lot more when she wasn't trying to set up a conservative Senator's son with some guy.   
Lafayette rolled his eyes. "Fine. If you want to be.." He paused, licking his front teeth, obviously thinking. He muttered "bite" under his breath.  
"Dicks?" Alexander offered, or more or less translated.  
"Ahh, yes. That." Lafayette snapped his fingers and pointed at Alexander. "Go right ahead," he finished. He then sat next to Hercules on the couch, who visibly inched away.   
"We don't know what's on it though," Maria tilted her head and smiled at him.   
"Wouldn't hurt to find out," John teased. "Maria, be a doll and put it on."  
"Let's see what nights your girlfriend had in store for you..." Maria approached the bookcase, taking the discarded record and putting it in the player. It took a moment. Lafayette looked around for something to distract him, but only found Hercules, who was obviously not in the mood for conversation. Alexander tried to anticipate the song and then-  
Pony ride. Of course. John burst out laughing. "Hell yeah!" He said loudly.  
Alexander opened his mouth in mock-surprise when John grinded the air. He yelled "wooh!" before smiling and putting his arm around Alexander's shoulders and clinking his bottle against his. They uttered a short "cheers" before drinking.   
"Your girlfriend had good taste, Laf," Maria said playfully. Hercules groaned. "Ahhah," Alexander said, chuckling to himself. He took a drink.  
"What?" John asked, sort of chuckling too, but not knowing why.   
"It's just..." Alexander took a breath and looked up. He held out his hand. "You know when it's so obvious someone is in love?" He spun his hand while he spoke. John widened his eyes slightly before nodding and saying "ohh."   
"You mean Herc."   
"Yeah, look at the guy."  
"Dude's been pinning for as long as I've known them."  
"How long's that?"  
"Long ass time."  
They both laughed quietly and looked down for a few seconds. John let go of his hold on Alexander's arm. They both watched as both Lafayette and Hercules warmed up to o banter, and as they kept talking, eventually looking progressively less stressed.   
"Ayy, Laurens, toss me one," Hercules shouted.   
"I'm not cleaning up broken glass man, get your ass over here and get some," John said, shifting his weight.   
"No one's 'getting some' from you tonight, Johnny Boy," Hercules shouted, which was followed by an "ooh..." from Lafayette.   
"S'that new?" John asked after taking a drink.   
"You gotta get out there John," Hercules dragged.   
"I'm fine, why don't you guys put on a movie or something..." John was put off, and it was evident by more than the fact that he was leaving the apartment to the porch. Naturally, Alexander followed. Well no, not so naturally, but no one questioned it.   
He spent a few seconds deciding whether or not to follow, so the door was opened a second time, which caught John's attention, who was looking out at the view.   
"Oh, hey, there," He smiled, but it was obvious it was forced.   
"Not to intrude, but..." Alexander started.  
"But you're about to," John looked up.  
"I'm sorry," was all Alexander could say.   
John sighed, and his smile had faded. He took his hair out ruffled it.  
"You're one hell of a guy, Alexander."   
"And that means..?"   
"I mean..." John stretched his arms. "You don't care. You speak your mind. It's... good."   
"My roomate would disagree," Alexander sort of laughed, looking down. "I find it hard to believe someone might find that part of me likeable."  
"Heh," John looked down. He turned around and put his elbows on the railing. "What's not to like about Alexander Hamilton?"   
"A lot," Alexander took a deep breath and exhaled quickly, leaning on the railing as well.   
"Like?"  
"Oh, wow, let's consult the list. Uhh. 1. I talk too much and am abrasive, 2. I can't," A cough from Alexander,"keep it in my pants 3. I speak my mind. Don't know when to shut up. And those are just the fatal flaws."   
"I'm more interested about the second," John looked over.  
"Oh. Why's that?"  
"I want to hear about any dramatic story that goes along with it."   
"There are a few situations that highlights that, yeah. But, why should I tell you?" John didn't give response, at least immediately. "Are you trying to see if I'm a good partner for your own personal..." John looked up into Alexander's eyes, his expression soft. "Endeavours," he finished, barely above a whisper. John only stared, and took a step closer. They were inches away, staring at each other in silence. John looked down to Alexander's mouth.   
"Please, stop me," John said, and before Alexander could ask what he meant, his lips were covered with John's. Alexander took a moment to register what was happening. Yes, he should have asked, but God, it felt good. John quickly pressed harder into his mouth, and Alexander did the same. Fuck stopping him. Alexander brought one hand up to John's chin, resting his fingers on the surface. John then started pulling away.  
He brought a fist to his mouth, his eyes wide. Alexander only stood there, slightly panting. John looked at Alexander.   
"Uhh," He coughed. "I'm so- fucking sorry. I should go." He looked around nervously before heading down the stairs.  
"I'll come with you," Alexander didn't offer. He followed suite until John turned around to face him.   
"No, I should go. I should've asked, and we just met-"  
"John," Alexander said, firmly. "Believe me when I say it's okay. In fact, it's more than that. John, from the moment I met you I was falling so hard it scared even me." They stared at each other for a few seconds before Alexander said "but yeah, consent is a thing. An important thing." They both laughed a bit and Alexander added, somewhat quietly "and you have mine completely."   
John stared at Alexander's hand for a few moments, as if he was wondering whether or not to take it. "Alexander..." he looked up. "I- look- you heard the guys inside, I don't do this- I haven't done this in a long time. Forgive me if I'm a bit nervous. And that comes out as kissing you with no initiation."   
Alexander laughed quietly and lightly held onto John's wrist. He lightly pulled John to the top of the stairs, stepping back. When they were level, he grabbed onto John's hip and kissed him deeply. When he pulled away, John still had his eyes closed. He opened them slowly.   
"Are we even now?" Alexander said with surprising sincerity. John took a second to respond.   
"I figure."  
John slowly wrapped his arms around Alexander, and Alexander did the same for him. John suddenly shuddered, and Alexander knew he was holding back tears. He rubbed the other man's back and whispered "it's okay, I'm here, and though you don't know me too well I am going to prove that I am worthy of you..." He felt his shoulder get wet with tears slowly, and then it came on like a downpour. Alexander held John tighter, and through the tears he never let go. He was determined to prove that he deserved John, and whatever that took, well, it was very hard to find something that stopped Alexander.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I'll upload the next chapter at 10 kudos. Comments are appreciated, love y'all.


	3. the revolutionaries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Discussions between friends about a potential couple is interrupted by a couple and prospects of a new couple arrive. Couples.

"What are they doing?" Lafayette asked distractedly.  
"God knows. Herc seemed to have pissed John off," Maria yawned. Hercules sat up and groaned.  
"Fuuuuuck. Didn't mean to. You guys know I didn't, right?"   
"He is... insecure about relationships."  
"Insecure isn't the word you're going for, Laf."  
He rolled his eyes. "What is then, Queen of the English language?"   
"That's king to you, and the term you're looking for is whatever the synonym of 'scared out of your mind about having relations with another man because your dad used to literally beat you for it' is."   
"Fuck, man."   
"I'm sure he's getting over it. What you said I mean," Maria nudged Hercules. "Alexander went right after him. Quite the catch that guy."   
"I'm pretty sure I saw him checking John out earlier."   
"Everyone does that."  
"Not everybody gets a glance back from John."  
Silence.  
"Ho-ly shit."  
"Oh my God."  
"What the fuck are they doing out there?"   
"Yo, turn off the tv let's see if we can hear."  
"Nah man, let them have this," Hercules grabbed the remote from Maria.   
"Good for John," Lafayette took a drink.  
"Shit, now we're the single ones."  
"C'mon, Maria, what about that one girl-"  
"Shhhhut the fuck up Herc," Maria began to slur her words.   
"Looook she is blushing!" Lafayette laughed.  
"It's the alcohol you dickheads. And plus, Angelica would never-"   
"Angelica is fiiiine. Call her up Maria, you do have her number." Lafayette held onto her shoulder.   
"Nononononooooo that is not happening. Wait- HERC!"   
The phone started buzzing as soon as Hercules got ahold of it. Maria grabbed it.   
"It's Jeff."   
"Don't call him that, he hates it."  
Maria took the call.  
"Hey, Jeff?" A groan from the other end.   
"Put him on speaker," Lafayette enthused. Maria obliged.  
"You're on speaker my man," Hercules said, leaning forward as Maria set the phone on the coffee table.   
"Greattt. Who's here, then?"  
"Lafayette and Hercules."   
"No John?"   
"He's missing in action."   
"Hmm. Well, let's get down to business. James and I have been talking..."   
"Is that all you have been doing?" Hercules smirked.  
Thomas gave a very monotone laugh. "Funny. What's also funny is the amount of atttteenntioon we got tonight."  
"It was James's idea to have you two dance!" Maria said loudly. "That wasn't our fault! He really is a romantic, he wanted this to be something to remember."   
There was no sound from the other line.   
"We have killed him," Lafayette said.   
"You there Jeff?" Maria asked, smiling. "Don't call me that," his voice had a lot more color to it.   
"Where is James?" Lafayette asked suddenly.   
"Somewhere. Nowhere. I'll talk to you later."   
"Come by the apartment tomorrow," Hercules said as there was only shared laughter on the other end. The call ended.   
"We did that," Maria said, grinning.   
"Hell yeah we did," Hercules nudged her shoulder.   
"Now, what about Elizabeth?" Lafayette gave a low laugh. Maria groaned.  
"One text, that's it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, thank you for 10 kudos~  
> I'm going to upload the following chapter at... let's 17. Please leave comments, I want to hear feedback, good and bad. That's it, thank youuuuu


	4. the implied exposed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas and James get up to some heavy things the night of their being set up. Warning: hella smutty.

"They're fucking ridiculous," Thomas sighed, running his hands through his hair.   
"Are you going to see them tomorrow?" James asked softly. He was lying on the bed, his hands on his chest.   
Thomas turned around to face him, frowning. "No. Not without..." he paused, a small smile forming around his lips. "You."   
James smiled back. They were in a cheap hotel room, one bed, one bathroom, a shitty tv, and a pool. It was just fine. It was away from Seabury, who was not taking the idea of the two of them all that well. Neither was James. It was different, everything was so fast-paced, so rushed, but when he looked at Thomas, when he looked at his smiling face- everything was... fine. He was acting like he never had before. THEY were acting... like a couple. Thomas sat down on the bed, still facing James.   
"God," he quietly laughed. "What. Did I do. To get you?"   
James felt his face get warmer. "I could say the same."   
A curl fell in front of Thomas's face. His smiler grew wider. "You are so fucking-" He rolled over, suspending his body over James's with his hands resting next to James's head. He lowered himself and kissed him the way James said he liked, deeply with a little nibble on his lower lip.   
"Are you down for another round?" Thomas whispered into James's ear before moving his neck back up and staring down at him.   
"I could have a million more," James smiled and pulled Thomas into another kiss. "Let's have another one tonight." 

"Alex?"   
"Yes?"  
"Before you fall in love with me, I need you to know: I'm not biologically male."  
Silence for few seconds. "So you're trans."   
"Yeah. Is that something you can't-"  
"No no no- it's totally okay. I am too."  
"Trans?"   
"Yeah." A laugh. "Got the scars on my chest and T in my apartment to prove it."  
"Wow," John breathed. "Wasn't expecting that."  
"Good, I pass then. And you do too."  
"Thank you. Only the group knows, so."   
"I got it. Only you know. Well, and an ex of mine," Alexander muttered the second sentence.   
"Who's that?" There wasn't a sign of jealousy in John's voice.   
"Her name was Eliza. Really nice girl, she didn't deserve what I did to her." Alexander looked down, and then into John's eyes. "Look, John, I'm kind of shit when it comes- well, came to relationships. I'm trying to change. I swear to God you'll never have to suffer because of me."   
John didn't know what to say. This man had his heart, and he couldn't take it back, regardless of what he was would say now, so he decided to take his word for it. "Okay," he unintentionally whispered, reaching for Alexander's hand.   
The pair shuffled closer together, resting their heads on one another. They sat, both of their minds full of thoughts, burdened with the process of sorting them out. Every now and then, a kiss from Alexander on John's hair. Then a light kiss from John on Alexander's cheek. Then another kiss from Alexander on John's neck, which quickly transitioned into delivering a hickey. John let out a quiet "ahh!" not expecting the sudden movement to his neck. His breathing got heavier, the air got hotter, and Alexander started to remove his button up. John placed his fingers on Alexander's chest.   
"Wait," he breathed. "Out here?" His voice slowly came back. "On the fucking stairs?"   
"Sure," Alexander said, going in for another kiss, which John accepted before he delicately pulled away.   
"No, no way, I don't want that reputation."   
"That you're gay?" Alexander somewhat huffed.   
"No, as the kid who got fucked on the stairs."  
"Fair enough." Alexander wiped his mouth, still trying to catch his breath. "So?"  
"So..." John chewed on the inside of his lip. "We could get a hotel."   
"Where are we, Korea?" Alexander leaned forward.   
"It's the thing all the gay guys did in my neighborhood when they didn't want their wives to know."  
"Because they were ashamed."  
"And we don't want to bug our roommates," John leaned on Alexander, who was looking down. "C'monnn, they have a pool."   
"Fine," Alexander stood up. "Text them so they don't get worried."   
"Hey guys, hope you don't mind I'm going to the nearest motel 8 to fuck the shit out of Alexander whom I have decided I love dearly in the span of 6-ish hours."   
Alexander smiled. 

"Holy fuck," James breathed. "Holy God, Holy Jesus-" James arrived, for like the 5th time that night. Thomas stood up slowly, licking the corners of his lips.   
"Guess we're not to the point where you're screaming my name," he shifted his weight onto one leg, resting a hand on his hip.   
"That'd be too much," James said, his breath still shaky.   
"There isn't anyone else- here," he kneeled down and held James wrists. "You fuck me, and I'll scream your name as loooud as I can."   
"Hon, I just came," James said, rubbing Thomas's inner arm.  
Thomas smiled goofily. It was the damn near cutest thing James had ever seen. "You called me hon."   
"I guess it's a Virginian thing."  
"You don't think I don't know that?" Thomas rested his head James's bare inner thigh. "It makes it all the more sincere."   
James lighted tugged his hand out of Thomas's hold and stroked his hair. The hair he had come to love so much.   
"Maybe we'll just. Stay here," Thomas nuzzled James slightly.   
"At least get on the bed," James said, still waving through the boy's curls.  
"On top of you?" Thomas laughed.  
"That would be most preferred."  
"Clothes on or off?"   
"Are you going for a record for how many times you can make me come in one night?"   
"My previous goal in life was to be the model conservative Senator's son. I like this one a lot better," he stood up and lightly let himself fall onto James's outline.   
"I like you a lot better than any title or label my father has given me, and I will always like it better," Thomas kissed James's cheek.   
James felt Thomas rest his head on his shoulders, his lips on his neck.   
"I swear to God..." James gave a laugh.  
"Whaaaat," Thomas raised his head, looking at James with sleepy, love filled eyes. He was smiling, drawing circles on his bare chest.   
"Did I stop you right before you started to-"   
"Maybe..." his voice was low, and suggestive. "Just one last time?"   
"You're lucky you're so handsome."  
"I'm lucky you are too. Hmhmm." Thomas started to suck lightly on James's nipple, gradually lowering himself down James's torso. He lingered just below his ribs, snaking his fingers around James's shoulder blades. James would only let out the occasional grunt, but Thomas would smile to himself everytime he did. He let go of one of James's shoulders and wrapped his fingers around his soft member. This was when James typically flinched, and he did, but Thomas just loved the routine they had made in the span of one night. As he moved his hand up and down the familiar length slowly, he could feel it begin to prick up. He was now kneeling of the side of the bed, focusing only on making James hard. He leaned forward to lick the tip, circling it until he tasted precum.   
James swallowed heavily.   
"So..?"  
"I'm going to ride you." Thomas licked his fingers and grinned. James inhaled loudly.  
"That's... new," he exhaled.   
"A lot is."   
"Well, I'm not opposed."  
Thomas slowly creeped onto the bed, slowly guiding James's member into him. He closed his eyes tightly and held his breath. He couldn't complain though, he had declined James's offer to get lube. James watched him lower himself until he was sitting, and it was quite a lot to bear. Thomas had been holding in any noise as he went down, but he couldn't hold back when James began to rock back and forth. He let out a loud a high pitched "mmm..." and bit his lip.   
"Shit- fuck," Thomas breathed, a little bit of adorable Virginian voice behind it. Thomas's fingertips lightly touched James's chest and he tilted his head up.   
James took a deep breath before speeding up his motion, which also caught Thomas by surprise.   
"OOHhhh my God," he moaned, then managed to catch himself.   
"Still not ready to scream my name yet?" James laughed, well, grunted, not even sure Thomas heard him. He gave a low groan, which was quickly interrupted by Thomas's moaning.  
"Fuck- James- Ahh!" He was moving too, now. James arched his back, caught by surprise, letting out a deep "ohahh- fuck!" He grabbed onto Thomas's hip, pulling him along with his rhythm.   
"Oh my GOD- James-"   
"Thomas-"  
"I fucking love you," his fingers trailed on James's chin.  
"ThomAS-"  
Thomas felt himself filling up. Before he could, James grabbed onto his length, rubbing it up and down immediately, which sent him over the edge.   
Thomas fell onto James, the pair both panting heavily. They both laid there, their breathing in synch.  
"That was the best by far," Thomas breathed.   
"Ye-yeah," James was still attempting to catch his breath and rubbed Thomas's back gently.  
Then there was a pounding at the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So 17 was a lot to ask for, Ima just upload these whenever the hell I want. Still, supporr is lovely and appreciated, I feel like absolute fucking shit mkay goodbye stay safe.


	5. taught

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Intimacy. It's a thing Thomas is more than used to, far too used to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter that definitely needs a trigger warning for the archive warnings mentioned.

"So."  
"So."  
The two were sitting in a taxi cab, trying not to catch the eye of the driver. They weren't about to try something in the car, but Lord knows they wanted to. John slid his hand into Alex's, the both of them not looking at each other. Alexander squeezed his hand back, which was enough. 

"We've been getting complaints for the past two hours, but you didn't pick up the phone or answer the door," the manager huffed. Thomas just sighed.  
"We unplugged the phone because it was fucking annoying. We didn't hear any 'polite knocking,'" Thomas frowned and rolled his eyes.  
"Can we at least get more clothes on?" James said, maintaining the most calm voice he could.  
"Before you continue to berate us?" Thomas added, rubbing his temples.  
"Once you explain-"  
"We did, can you not comprehend-"  
"Thomas," James said quietly, but sternly.  
Thomas took a breath.  
"Your behavior... I- please leave as soon as possible. You will not be refunded."  
"That's fucking-"  
"Kiss my ass, it's our policy!" The worker gritted his teeth through a smug smile.  
"For fu... let's get everything together. We'll be out before two. Give us a moment," James sighed. The worker stared at the pair for a second, then turned on his heel, slamming the door.  
"And we get the fucking noise complaint?" Thomas muttered, pressing his palm into his closed eye.  
"Well. Where do we go?" James shook his legs through his pants. Thomas stood up from his seat on the AC unit. He was only wearing black, white-rimmed boxers.  
"Not to the dorm," he looked down.  
"Right."  
"I am not going to listen to Sam's spiel about... this."  
"Not now, of course. But eventually," James buttoned his shirt. He walked over to Thomas, grabbing his loose shirt off of the side of the bed. Thomas rolled his eyes.  
"I'm not fucking-" he paused as James handed him his shirt. "He shouldn't get an explanation from me."  
"We'll discuss it later."  
Part of Thomas wanted to further explain himself, but he decided it'd be good to hold himself back. James had an affect on him like know one he had known before him, and as soon as James said it, Thomas would do it. That was only because James never asked for anything out of reason. He buttoned his shirt and let his tie hang loosely on his shoulders. James had finished getting dressed before Thomas could even get his pants on. He helped him with his shoes, whilst Thomas insisted he didn't need it, and they were on their way.  
They made their way into the lobby and were about to leave the building when they were recognized.  
By friendly faces, luckily.  
Well, mostly.  
"Jeff! Hey, Jeff-"  
"Ohhh fuck."  
It was John Laurens. And... someone who's back was turned. Someone looming very closely to John, very... closely. He turned around. Oh.  
"Laurens," James said, also looking over John's companion. He must've realized the attention he was getting and cleared his throat.  
"Alexander Hamilton, very nice to meet you," He smiled, but it was very obviously forced.  
"No, I think we've met before," Thomas leaned forward to get a better look. "Yeah. Yaeger, right? You were the kid who ranted about the ways we can stop Trump from getting us further debt."  
Alexander laughed and scratched the back of his neck. "I'm not sure if that's the best thing to be known for, but..."  
"Oh. No. You're going to be know for," Thomas gestured towards Alexander and John. "This."  
John looked away, giving a tried smile and Alexander coughed.  
"To be known for 'this' is only fair if you'll be known for being the couple who fucked too many times in one night even for a motel," Alexander smiled charmingly, clapping his hands together. "Overheard it from that enraged gentlemen over there," Alexander pointed at a man slumped over the main desk, animating every word he said with exaggerated hand movements. John snorted, looking down. Thomas's smile wavered.  
"Hmm. I'm sure you two will be worse, you can cut the sexual tension here with a spoon," Thomas fake shivered. John shifted his weight, still refusing to make eye contact with anyone. "Well, we have to figure out where we are going, because it isn't our dorms." James pursed his lips slightly, but he didn't show very much distress.  
"Our apartment's free," John offered, finally looking at James. Alexander looked over to him, disappointed that their night was going to be cut short by the two young adults acting like teenagers. John, even without looking, rubbed Alexander's opposing shoulder, as if to compensate. "Consider it the fallout of the plan."  
Thomas sighed, and gave every sign he was about to decline, but James interrupted him.  
"That sounds just fine."  
Thomas looked over at him and widened his eyes.  
"Thomas," James turned to face him, "we have to make do. Sam will berate us on sight right now and we have got to lay low somewhere until then," James rubbed Thomas's back affectionately. Thomas for a split second looked so helplessly in love that both John and Alexander had to take a moment to reevaluate how quickly he was able to change. He quickly regained his moody composure and started to walk out the door. Madison quickly followed. Alexander frowned at John before shrugging and following after. 

"Oh, good, they're asleep."  
"Good?"  
"Yeah, they'd bombard these lovebirds with demanding questions. Looks like they've passed out though. That gives us... give or take 12 hours.They're my roomates, I know their routine."  
"Ahh."  
"Settle down wherever you want, I'd suggest the room, just so you don't wake up to Maria screaming about... things." John waved his hand rapidly at the last word.  
"Things?" Thomas asked, looking at the sleeping trio, piled on the couch.  
"You guys. Just... she'll be screaming about you guys. You know. She's been planning this for a long ass time-"  
"I know," Thomas interrupted, sounding slightly irritated. John bit his lip and set the apartment keys down as quietly as possible.  
"Like I said," John sighed. "Anywhere you want."  
"Where are you and your boy-toy off to?" Thomas formed a very slight smirk.  
"Anywhere you and yours aren't," Alexander said, not facing the three and walking ahead slowly. John smiled and looked down.  
"It's a co-dependent relationship. But he's mostly mine," James said so quietly the other three almost missed it.  
"Damn," John breathed. "Take that room. Alex and I'll-."  
"Don't need to know the details," Thomas held up his finger, and John rolled his eyes.  
"Thank you," James took a step ahead.  
"Don't mention it. Don't treat it like a motel though."  
Thomas scoffed.  
The two pairs went their seperate ways. James stepped into the room first and observed the area. A bunk bed. And a bare mattress. Thomas immediately fell onto the second option.  
"Tired?" James teased gently.  
"Come over here," Thomas said, slightly muffled by his face being buried in the mattress.  
"The queen is so demanding," James laughed quietly.  
"And the king hasn't gotten his ass in bed yet."  
James rolled his eyes playfully, smiling. He slowly crept onto the bed, next to Thomas. They readjusted their position, and the two were comfortable. Until they would inevitabley have to readjust again. But for now, with Thomas resting on James's shoulder, they were content.  
James felt himself drifting away to sleep, slowly, until he heard Thomas's voice, barely above a whisper.  
"James?"  
"Yes?"  
"Will you..."  
"Uh huh..?"  
"Still be here in the morning?"  
James paused, not because he was hesistant to say yes, but because he had just seen into a part of Thomas he had never seen before.  
"Of course. You'll never feel me leave your side."  
"You really are a romantic."  
"If you like it, than that's what I am."  
"Mm."  
That was it. All that needed to be said. It didn't feel real. The happiness James was feeling wasn't deserved. It would probably be taken away tomorrow anyway, so it didn't matter. Well, Thomas was here now. James had him, in his arms. He couldn't forget that. How his arms felt around his body, his warm breath, his hair that he could see the outline of. It was all so... real.

"No, you are right, that's not what He wants," his voice is low, the tone shifts to serious.  
"Mmhmm. I told her that. She acted like it didn't make sense."  
"Well, not everyone understands. That's why you always make it known what you believe, so they can see your example." He kneels down so he can look him in the eye. "Does that make sense?"  
"Yes, daddy." 

"It's nothing," he rubs his neck, trying to cover up the bruise.  
"What the HELL are you doing?" He steps closer. "Do you know what the FUCK this means?" He feels the spit in his face. He grabs his hair, pulling him forward. "You don't know. Now get this shit under control, or you're never leaving the fucking house. You should've known better." He shoves him against the wall. He mutters to himself. "I swear to God, no one in this world knows what self control is."  
He stifles his own whimpers with his agreement. "Yes, daddy."

"There's nothing wrong with people making that decision." He frowns.  
"You're shoking living beings. With machines created to be used for pain. It-"  
"You know, I never took you for one of them." He stands up, his voice louder. "Are you going back to that phase? For what? You like rebellion?" He shoves him. "You want to see if you can ruin me?" He pushes his shoulders, almost causing him to fall back.  
"No," he says weakly, almost pleading. He doesn't hear, or ignores him. "What do you think you want?" He's pinned to the wall now, his wrists held by his father's hands. His heartbeat in his neck, he can barely breath. The larger man however, was breathing heavily. Staring at him. He swallows. He counts the seconds.  
"Fine, I'll show you what you want." The smaller man's eyes widened.  
"Daddy, no-"  
"Shut. Your fucking mouth."  
"Oh my-"  
"Get. The fuck. Down!" He grabs his shoulder and throws him down. His pants were already unbuttoned, and he thrusts himself into his mouth.  
An eternity later, it's over. He's alone, he's sobbing, and he's silent. He feels him everywhere, and he begins to scratch at his skin wherever he feels his prescence.  
Thomas wants nothing more than to die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this wasn't too offensive. If there's a better way this could've been written, please let me know in the comments. All feedback, comments and kudos, are appreciated.


	6. unexpected visits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the night before. And just your typical college gays setting up a booth to promote awareness.

"Move yah ass."  
"Ughh. Give me a fucking second."  
Hercules stretched and opened his eyes. Lafayette had fallen asleep on his chest, and he hadn't even realized. Maria's arm was buried behind Hercules's back. He moved forward, slightly stirring Lafayette. Maria stood up and yawned.  
"Is he awake?" She stretched.  
"I don't know. I don't know what type of sleeper he is."  
"Wow," she said sarcastically. "The one person you haven't slept with!" She could be like this in the mornings.  
"Shut up," Hercules said quietly. He looked down at Lafayette, but only for a second.  
"I'ma get ready. You figure out how to deal with this," She turned to walk away.  
"Ready for what? It's Saturday."  
"We're running the booth? In the commons?"  
"Shiiiit."  
"It'll be less boring today, for sure," She smirked slightly, taking her earrings out.  
"I guess. Jefferson and all that."  
"Right. Well, like I said-" She gestured to the bathroom.  
"Go," Hercules rubbed his eye. "Oh, and we have to find John."  
"Mm. He'll turn up." Hercules heard the door shut. He looked down at Lafayette, once again. This shouldn't be hard, he just had to wake him up. But he didn't want to. He didn't really want to disturb him, he looked so content and-  
The door rattled. Within seconds, it was open. John poked his head in, looking around. His eyes widened as they fell on Hercules. Well, Hercules and... Lafayette.  
"Did you- are you-"  
"We all fell asleep on the couch last night. I guess he's a heavy sleeper?"  
"Okay..." John fully opened the door and stepped in. Hercules held back any surprise when Alexander followed.  
"So..." Hercules eyed the both of them. "I'm gonna dance around the obvious- we're running the booth today."  
"Yeah, why do you think I'm back?"  
Hercules blinked. "Well- nevermind. Wake up Lafayette, will ya?"  
John stared for a few seconds before walking over and shaking him. "Laffff."  
His eyelids fluttered open. "Ahh, hello." He looked around and quickly sat up. There was silence for a few moments.  
"Booth?"  
"Yeah. Get off of Hercules and let's get moving."  
"That is right," Lafayette stood up.  
"Hey, have you guys seen any of-" Alexander started before John nudged him a bit too hard in the stomach.  
"Hmm?" Hercules looked up.  
"Oh... just anybody who would want to help out at the booth," John coughed. "Well, I'm going to the room."  
"Right, I'll follow. It's obligatory," Alexander looked around the room and got shrugs and nods from both Lafayette and Hercules.  
John, finding himself in a similar situation, peered inside his room through the creaking door. Sure enough, they were both there.  
John slipped into the room, quickly kneeling by the bed. James was awake, Thomas's head on his stomach. Alexander shut the door behind them. "Sleep well?" Alexander asked.  
"Sure," he frowned. "Look, I love being made into a spectacle as much as the next guy-" James started.  
"We got it. Also there's no point in hiding we let you sleep over night, so you might as well get dressed." John stood up. "Oh, and in return for 'refuge,' it'd be nice if you helped out at the booth today."  
"God, I always wanted to kill myself when I saw that thing set up," Thomas groaned, moving his head up. "And now we know why," Alexander said with slight smugness.  
"Repressed homosexuality sounds a lot more poetic than having the urge to throw yourself off of a building because of just how painfully awkward and over the top the booth was," Thomas said, rolling his eyes.  
"Such a way with words," Alexander stuck his hand in his pocket and looked around the room.  
"Sure," John coughed. "We have thirty minutes to get ready, so these cat-fights can wait. And, not to be rude but this is where my clothes are located, so-"  
"We'll leave you to get dressed," James said, standing up to leave, and Thomas followed.  
"I can see another naked Laurens," Alexander said to himself whilst lingering, but John heard and raised an eyebrow. "You can take a break."  
"I'm notorious for not taking breaks-" Alexander replied as John guided him out of the room.  
"You'll take one now."  
Alexander smiled at John as he shut the door. Thomas and James stared at each other for a few seconds. Alexander clapped his hands.  
"Well, if any of us show our faces, it'll say a million words. What should we do?"  
Thomas raised an eyebrow, and James sighed. The three of them stood, thinking, not noticing Lafayette walking into view.  
"Meeeerde," he elongated, looking the pair and Alexander up and down. "I cannot imagine what happened last night."  
Alexander laughed slightly awkwardly. "Same to you, mon ami. You did wake up on Hercules's chest." Alexander raised his eyebrows, and Lafayette laughed.  
"I guess. But nothing happened there," he looked at Thomas and James. Thomas gave a sarcastic smile. James looked down. What an adorable couple, Alexander thought.  
"Maria is getting dressed. You guys are helping at the booth, correct?" Lafayette scratched his neck.  
"We're sort of-" James began.  
"We'd all love to," Alexander smiled. "Pay you back the favor for the sleepover."  
"Hold on, we've got a lot of shit to do," Thomas held up his finger and waved it. "We're not going to make out in front of the student body one day and the day after be 'out and proud!'"  
"Why not?" Alexander asked.  
"Number one, we did not 'make out.'" James coughed. "Two, you all know how it is. We've been in an established Republican group since we've been here, never deviated-"  
"Is there something wrong with association with us?" Alexander asked, eyebrows furrowing.  
"No, that's not-"  
"They totally were making out," John interrupted, slinging his arm over Thomas's shoulder, who was, to say the least, not pleased. Alexander looked over to him, slightly annoyed he cut him off from winning an argument, but also grateful for stopping him before matters got worse. John looked over to Lafayette. "Breakfast?"  
"Herc is on it," Lafayette looked greatful for the quick diffusion as well. "Come, you must eat."  
"We should go," Thomas said, standing up fully.  
"Just stay a little bit. You seem gregarious enough to get a couple dollars for AIDS prevention and such." John yawned.  
"Great, well I'm gonna have to take this 'gregarious personality' elsewhere," Thomas pulled John's arm off of him. The door adjacent to the hallway where the five men were standing rattled open. Maria walked out, wearing a button up shirt with the top button undone. Her eyeliner and lipstick were light, but visible. Alexander watched as she looked up, the surprise flooding into her face, slowly taking her headphones out.  
"So," she started slowly. "The booth?"  
Thomas and James groaned, though Thomas more exaggeratedly than his counterpart.  
"You're helping us out and you can't back out."  
Thomas gave his typical slight pout. Then he sighed.  
"What is the shortest amount of time we can stay?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Support is nice! Thank you to everyone who left kudos and the one who left a comment, it helps me know whether you guys like this or not. But! Critiques are always appreciated, so if you have them feel free to let me know. Anyways, enjoy your day!


	7. the unexpected visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone visits. It is unexpected. Bet you're on the edge of your seat.

"It's all set up there, you won't have to bring anything but yourself," Maria walked ahead, her heels clicking against the floor. Alexander took a breath and looked around for John, who was quickly by his side.   
"God, Maria, you're like- obsessed with being gay," John said sarcastically. She looked back and smiled, raising her eyebrows, but quickly looked forward again.   
"Don't worry, we shouldn't be in the rain for long, just to get from point A to point B."   
"Only Maria could get Jefferson to come," John whispered to Alexander.   
"What do you mean?" Alexander asked.   
John didn't respond, only looked ahead.  
"Where are we setting up this time?" Hercules walked ahead of the two.  
"By the food court."  
"Makes sense, I guess."   
"People are going to ignore you for food," Thomas muttered. He had a strange way of muttering. It was obviously muttering, but that verb typically had the connotation of being somewhat unheard. When Thomas muttered, it never went unheard.  
"Shut your mouth, Thomas," Maria said, and Alexander was greatful for it, certain he wasn't the only one. "We just have to go to the gym, the stuff's in a locker-"   
"Hey, isn't that- Thomas, that's your" Hercules began, looking back to see Thomas, who froze dead in his tracks.   
"Holy shit. Senator-" Maria stopped as well. "It's Senator Jefferson."   
The group collectively halted. Thomas's father approached slowly, checking his surroundings. Alexander had seen his face before, he probably made some comment about some stupid thing in a headline that Alexander just so happened to glance at. He looked over to Thomas. Holy shit, the guy looked like he was about to crack open. His eyes wide, his mouth slightly open with surprise, and the intensity of his stare all made Alexander uneasy. Nobody knew what to do, even Maria, but shit, that didn't mean she wouldn't try.   
"Should we act natural? Should we ignore him?"   
"Either way," John started. "There's a headline to be made."   
"Why is he here." James's voice was quiet and flat, lacking all emotion.   
"Thomas!" The older man was getting closer.   
"Well shit, now we can't-"   
"Do we talk to him?"  
"Just how bad is he?" Alexander asked.   
"He's for electro-shock therapy for gay kids. Totally backs Pence... uhmm..." Hercules thought for a minute.   
"Known sexual assaulter," Maria added. Alexander shuddered. Thomas's father was within earshot now.   
"Thomas, you have no idea how long I've been looking, Samuel didn't-"   
His eyes fell on James, and his face stiffened. "Let's- uhh- go for a walk, hm?"   
"With all due respect, he's about to help us with our booth," Maria bit her lip, shifting her weight to one leg.   
"And we need all the help we can get," Alexander added. Maria agreed with an "mmhmm," and nodded.  
"With all due respect, he's my son. And we need to talk," he looked over to Thomas, who was staring at the ground.   
"With all due respect," Alexander retorted, "that doesn't mean anything. What matters is what he consents to doing-"   
"Who are you? To tell me that I don't- that I shouldn't-"   
"Alexander Hamilton, at your service." He huffed. "And your son is clearly not comfortable-"  
"No, he's fine. Surprised, sure. Isn't that right, Thomas?"   
Thomas didn't look up. No one had ever seen him like this.  
"Please leave," John spoke up. "Now." Alexander slipped his hand into John's.   
"Not without my son."   
"We would not be inconvenienced if we all joined him," Lafayette added cheerfully, his eyes narrowing as he took a step closer to Thomas. Thomas lifted his head slowly to see his father's face. Alexander could see him cower slightly from his father's burning glare.  
Thomas's father grunted. "We'll talk. Later." He looked around the group, giving the same glare to everyone he could then turned around and stormed off.   
"Jesus," Hercules cursed. He looked up at Thomas. He showed no expression.  
"How did he even get here?" Alexander asked.   
"He's a high end Republican. Should money be a question?" Maria said, staring at Thomas's father's fading silhouette.   
"Thomas," James said gently.   
"Hmm? I'm fine. Not looking forward to this booth though," Thomas smirked, but it very well could have been faked.  
"If you want to talk, I-" James said sincerely, leaning in towards Thomas.  
"Sure," Thomas cut him off.  
Maria glanced at Thomas somewhat nervously. Thomas's face was... empty. Neither sad nor happy. He looked completely drained. Yet he smiled.  
"I can man the booth. Thomas, if you need time, get it. But don't go too far," she lightly touched his arm. "That man is looking to corner you at any opportunity." Thomas pushed her hand away and looked at her.  
"Why shouldn't I let him?" Thomas laughed, making Alexander uneasy. "He's my father, I think he gets that at least."   
"Thomas, please don't go after him. You freeze up and can't get a word out. He's going to get anything he wants with you," Maria said, getting louder. Thomas narrowed his eyes.   
"I'm- going. Remember, whatever happens to me is because of what you did," and just like the man before him, he turned around and stormed off. Maria, slightly put off by the last comment, stood back and watched with narrowed eyes. James looked at Maria nervously and followed after him. Thomas, upon seeing James by his side yelled at him and shoved him away. James stood there, not knowing what to do.  
"Fucking asshole," Alexander hissed.   
"He's not," Maria said, taking a breath, still looking at Thomas. "His dad is."   
"People are fully capable of learning that your actions don't have to reflec-"  
"Not now, Alex," Hercules said. 

The urge. Thomas hadn't felt it since he was a teenager, still under the same roof as his father. To do something. Something with what he was thinking. All the thoughts would cloud over, clarity was a concept. It didn't matter where he was, those thoughts would bubble over until he had himself locked in a room, a mirror, and a razor. He would suck in a breath and dig. Dig in as far as he could. And then he would drag. That was the only way to forget his pain. Forget his thoughts. Forget him.   
He only wanted to forget now. Forget his shame.  
He wandered campus for hours, not knowing where to go.  
He loved James. He really did. He knew it, and that's what terrified him. That he still could love. He was sure that his father had destroyed that part of him, for the greater good of course, and that he could live that life he had always talked about. Be the conservative force in New York City, fight back as hard he could, and do whatever else he wanted. And he did.   
But James.   
He came into the picture. He was brilliant, he could be calm and collected in one moment, Goddamn adorable in the next, and he could make Thomas smile. It was fucking hell. To curse Thomas with someone so extraordinary, who he would never find again. He moved into his apartment. Thomas allowed himself to get that. They would stay up late, talking about... things. He allowed himself that. James would confess that he didn't believe there needed to be opposition for certain things in the Republican party. Thomas allowed himself to agree. Then James would sit closer to him on his bed. Thomas allowed himself the giddy feeling he felt. James would sometimes touch his shoulder or graze his fingers, and Thomas found it difficult to forget the fluttering feeling in his chest. So, he thought to himself: what's the harm? No one can see it, and it gives me happiness, so why not indulge? Why not allow myself this happiness? And he got more used to the idea everyday. One day, he told Maria. She asked him if he planned to do anything about it. He didn't know what to say. Then she asked if he was willing to be set up with him. And he said no.   
Maria dropped it quickly, and he was grateful. However, he couldn't ignore his interest in the idea. Everytime he would see James, he would imagine them as a pair. It got so difficult to ignore that he brought it up to her again.   
"Do you want to hide this?"  
"Obviously."   
"Then I can't help you out there."  
"What? Why not?"  
"Break free from where you are, that's when you'll be happy. Fervent meetings in the night followed by going back to your wife's side in the morning is going to make you wish you were dead."   
"What does that even mean, Maria."  
"That's the life you'll have if you follow what your family expects of you. Is that what you want?"   
"I-I don't know."   
"Think about it. I gotta head out, we're out of food at home."  
"Make sure you get there safe."  
"I'll text you."  
"You better."  
She smiled at him and turned to leave. Once she was gone, Thomas felt the dread of unsurety. It was too much work, too much pressure. He should just drop it all together. Then the door would rattle, and in would walk the man himself.  
"Hey. Saw some girl walking out of here. Is she-"   
"She's just a friend." Thomas leaned back in his desk chair, picking at his fingernails.  
"I was just going to ask if she was going to help out with that one..." he trailed off. "Do people usually assume that?"  
"What? Oh, that we're dating? You'd be one of the first to not assume."   
"Really?" He sounded very interested, but he was probably just faking it to hold the conversation. He walked over to the counter, setting groceries down. "Do you date often?"   
"Nah, not really my thing."  
"I understand. Uhh," he looked through the cabinets. "Do you want me to make something tonight?"   
"Hmm?"  
"For dinner."   
"Ah. Macaroni's fine."  
James muttered "seriously?" to himself, but obliged. Thomas just liked the way he made it. He browsed his phone, sneaking glances at James while he had his back turned. Thomas felt so much for the man it hurt him. He replayed his voice over and over in his mind, content with the fact he heard it every so often. His rare laugh, he cherished. But there was so much more he wanted.  
And there was the slight chance he could get it.   
His body pumping with adrenaline, he opened his messages.  
Me: ok, you can do it  
Maria: Do what...?  
Me: whatever youwere planning to do with james and I  
Maria: Ohhh you mean set you up  
Maria: I gotchu  
Maria: Ready to be out and proud yet  
Me: i guess   
Maria: Good enough

It was getting dark. Up the stairs. No point in taking the elevator when you live on the second floor. Down the hallway, head down. Look up when you know there's someone in front of you.   
Samuel.  
"Thomas- I-" he stuttered. "Your father-"   
"I know. Flew in this morning? God, he couldn't even-"  
"He's in my apartment."   
Thomas paused, then stormed ahead. "I'm sure you had a lot to talk about."  
"Other than you, no," Samuel turned around. "Thomas."  
"What."   
"Why? Why did you do it?"  
"Do what?" He didn't turn back to look.   
"You can't pretend. I knew this would come back to bite you."  
"Ahh yes, Samuel, who knows everything and all. Tell me all about how I'm jeopardized."   
Just as Thomas turned around, the door behind him opened. Thomas's breathing hitched without his wanting it to.   
"Thomas," his father's voice. Samuel pursed his lips, looked at Thomas, and then turned to walk away. Thomas turned around slowly, taking a deep breath.  
"Hi, daddy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Uh. Next chapter is. Not good. For Thomas. Once again, please leave your support if you like it, it helps me know what you like.


	8. the morality of what we want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas thought he knew, thought he had figured it out, the way his life was going and how life was in general. But no, he was wrong. How could he ever be so stupid to believe he was right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very much TRIGGER WARNING that follows archive warnings above.

"Come inside, let's have a chat."   
"Okay."   
The door swung shut, and Thomas was inside. Trapped. He had been in Samuel's apartment before, but he never bothered to stay for long. The place was messy, papers were scattered about, dishes left out. George was probably a shit roomate. Thomas had met him once or twice, he seemed to think he was goddamn royalty. Thomas's father coughed, breaking Thomas out of his trance. He knew he was trying to distract himself from the intense fear he was feeling at that moment, and that it wasn't helping. Thomas's father sat down on the nearby sofa.   
"Have a seat, son."   
Thomas obliged. He sat on the side farthest away from him.   
"You can come a little closer."  
Thomas swallowed. He tried his best to remind himself that this was something he didn't need to be dreading. He inched closer until he was mere inches away from him.   
"Now." Thomas dug his fingernails into his thigh to stop himself from releasing shaky breaths. "I don't want you to be intimidated," he started. "I just want to talk." Thomas nodded. It sounded reassuring, sure, but Thomas knew damn well how his father twisted things.  
"Why did you do this? Attention? Recognition? You didn't have to spit on Seabury, that was overdoing it."   
"I know," Thomas said weakly.   
"So why? Why throw away everything you had?" Thomas was silent. "You didn't have to give into this. You could have been stronger."  
Thomas's phone buzzed. Thomas's father leaned back, folding his arms across his chest.  
"I hope I'm not- wasting your time," Thomas's father frowned.   
"No, you're not. I'll silence it," Thomas checked his phone. It was a text from James, and Thomas had to take a deep breath to quiet his heartbreak. He turned his phone off.   
"And this guy... James... have you two slept together?"   
"Dad-"  
"I don't want another fucking scandal to get out. This was a college party, things happen, we can sweep it under the rug," he started. Thomas's lower lip trembled. "But if you two were seen together outside-"   
"We weren't. We didn't," Thomas tried to say calmly, but his words came out as more of a plea.  
"Really. That's really fucking funny because I was told you two rented a motel room together."   
How. How the fuck would he know? Of course he would know, Thomas was never safe, never free from the eyes of a disappointed father. Thomas wanted to scream, wanted to fight back, wanted to DESTROY him. He was stronger now, maybe he could do something, to show him.   
No.  
He looked up to see his face, and that gave him his answer.   
He could never do anything.  
But he could try to save his hide.  
"They're just rumors."   
"Rumors from those who run the establishment? I highly fucking doubt it," his voice got louder. "They said, that they had kicked out a black, gay couple the night before, for being 'too loud!'" He laughed heartlessly. "A picture of your face and it was all confirmed."   
Thomas's father was getting more and more aggressive, and Thomas desperately looked for a way out. He found none. How could he have been so stupid with James? Why did he ever think he could escape his father?   
"Did he fuck you? Were you there, all night, bent over some cheap-ass hotel bed as he drilled into you? Was it good? Was it worth it?" He was getting closer to his face.  
"It's not like that-" Thomas winced, still trying to desperately resolve his helpless situation.  
"How did he taste?" His words were dripping with venom. Thomas shut his eyes. "You remember what I told you when this happens, when you don't listen. Just because you're on your own now does not mean we still don't follow our rules. When you don't follow a rule-"  
"You get a fraction of God's punishment." Thomas completed. It was over. Everything. The searing pain was coming, it was only a matter of time. He was never allowed to cry before, it meant the punishment would only be worse. Now, he didn't care. It didn't matter when he would end it all. His father lowered him onto the couch and began to pull his disgusting... thing out. Tears were dripping off of Thomas's cheeks, sobs escaping his throat.   
"Stop pretending you're a fucking victim!" Thomas's father shoved him into the couch's back and hit down hard on his ribs. Thomas wheezed, a small out of spit escaped his mouth. Still, he continued to cry out, much louder now. Thomas felt a hand at his throat, squeezing the life out of him. The hand remained only for a few more seconds, Thomas sputtering and coughing at it's release.   
Then he felt it-  
The loosening of his pants. The routine was all too familiar. He unwilling thought back to that night he spent with James. He thought sex could be something beautiful, he had felt that with him, but this burned everything away. Burning, searing, memories fading away. Thomas couldn't do anything to stop it.  
Then his phone buzzed. Thomas's father's phone. It allowed him to stop. Thomas didn't dare move.   
"Hello...Now? Shit, I'm in New York. No, just paying my son a visit. What? No, those are just rumors, the guy just told me himself. People are willing to do anything to ruin someone's career. Look, I can make it back tonight. Yeah, just let me say goodbye." He turned over to stare at Thomas, shoving his phone in his pocket. "Stand up," he ordered. Thomas obeyed. He felt his father stand behind him. After standing there for a few moments, he grabbed his crotch forcefully and bit down so hard on his neck he might've drawn blood.   
"Remember how this feels next time you try to pull something," he muttered, lingering for what felt like full minutes before pulling away. "Don't make me come here again," was all he said before he left the apartment. Thomas stood there, counting the seconds. When Thomas was sure he had left, he collapsed to the floor. He sobbed for what felt like an hour before finally sitting himself up. The moonlight was shining through the window. He walked over to look at it. He turned his phone on. The startup took long enough for him to make it to the window. He looked at the world around him, all the lights on in those windows that someone left on, someone who had their own life. Maybe it was a good one too. Maybe they were happy. Thomas wondered what that life was like, what parts of it made it good.   
Thomas imagined what a good life what look like for him. As soon as he did, he wish he hadn't. It took everything he had to hold back a few more tears.  
The phone was on, Thomas just hadn't realized. He checked his messages.   
[Thirteen messages, 8 missed calls]  
Sweet Jesus. 

"James, James, James you've got to think straight-"   
"Have a drink man," John offered.  
"I'll do all of that when Thomas is found," James checked his phone again.   
"He will be. His dad wouldn't kill him, right? That's not his territory of scandals-" Hercules said.   
"Well that's comforting," John took a drink. "He's only been accused of sexual assault by three women."  
"Can we not, right now?" Maria interrupted. "Let's stick to finding him."   
"He texted back," James said loudly, staring at the screen. "He said he's home."   
"What the hell does that mean?" Lafayette asked.   
"I'm thinking his apartment," Alexander suggested.   
"Or his dad's taken him back to Virginia," Hercules took a drink.  
"Shit." There was a knock at the door.   
"That might be neighbors, we are being kind of loud," Maria said. She walked over and opened it.   
There was Thomas.   
"Oh my God, you asshole-" Maria hugged him, and he smiled. "You scared us half to fucking death."  
"Where the fuck you been, man?" John asked.   
"Places," he walked inside. James watched as he avoided eye contact with him.   
"At least tell us," Alexander leaned on a counter, crossing his arms.   
"Later," He said quickly. "James." James didn't look up immediately. "Can we talk?"   
James coughed. "Yes."  
The others in the room allowed them to be alone. The two awkwardly escorted themselves to the room, the area where they'd slept the night before.   
James knew what he was going to say, and he wasn't going to fight him.  
At least, he didn't plan to.   
"I think it'd be better if we end this," Thomas said firmly. James stared at the floor.   
"Alright."   
"It's for the best."   
The two men stood in silence. Thomas turned to leave. James was going to let him go, but he-   
"What did he say?" He stared out the window.  
"Nothing. I didn't see him."  
"Thomas," James turned to face him. "Don't... just walk away."  
"Don't make this harder than it is," Thomas's voice faltered. "I-I can't do this."   
"I can't- I don't want to see you go," James took a step closer. Thomas took a step back.   
"I-I have to leave."  
"I... I love you. Don't leave. Please."   
Thomas took a very deep breath, shutting his eyes tight. "It's what's best."  
"No. It's not. I- would never let you go. I can't allow you to walk away."   
"I'm going. Don't follow." He sucked in a breath and opened the door.   
James didn't have anything to say. He watched as Thomas walked out and closed the door. He looked back over to the window. He tried to empty his mind as he stared at the moon, trying to forget everything. There was some yelling from the other room, but James blocked it out. He took a deep breath and laid down on the mattress.

"Thomas- you are being absolutely-"   
"Maria, drop it. I'm going."   
"No, Thomas. You're delusional. Your father controls you."  
"No, he doesn't. Now fuck. Off."   
"I try so hard to defend you-" She started, shaking her head. "But this isn't about me. Think about James. You're throwing him away and for what? Your career? In what? You don't realize what you're doing, you need to just take a break and-"  
"I don't need to hear it."  
"Thomas. James loves you. You love him. You have a chance at happiness. What your father wants isn't happiness. Please, don't do this to him."   
"He'll manage. Besides, even if I-" he paused. "Wanted to stay, I'd only hurt him."  
"How?"  
Thomas forced a laugh.  
"Look at me. Even if there was no danger-" he paused, realizing he had let it slip right as the words escaped his mouth.  
"Danger? Thomas, what the hell is going on?" Maria put her hand on his shoulder. Thomas stared at it.   
"Nothing. There is none. This is my decision, my own."   
"You can get restraining orders," Maria said quietly. "You know I know those better than anyone. If he's going to hurt you-"  
"Maria," Thomas said gently, far more than she was expecting. "He'll only come after me if I'm with James."   
"Screw him then." Thomas looked down. "He shouldn't control you," she said softly. "Think about this. What do YOU want?"   
Thomas licked his lips and pouted slightly. "I can't have it. It's not... something I can pretend I can have now. Just because I moved out doesn't make it different."   
Maria placed her hand on his cheek. "Can you be with a woman?"  
"Yes," Thomas said breathlessly.   
"Is it what you want?" She took a step closer.  
Thomas looked away. "People do what they don't want to all the time."   
"What you want isn't illegal, Thomas." Her voice was breathy, she was inches away from him now. Thomas's heartbeat was accelerating more and more.  
"Can you... take a step back?" He said quietly. Maria looked as if she had been snapped out of a trance.   
"Right, right, sorry." She took a few steps back. Color took place in her cheeks for a few moments. Thomas was confused more than anything. "You'll always have a home here," she said quickly. "And the ability to heal a heartbreak has an expiration date. Think about it." She opened the door and went inside. There was some chatter that started when she stepped inside. The door closed, hitting Thomas with cold air.   
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.   
Any decision he was about to make was going to change his life forever.

"James," Alexander said softly. James sat up quickly.   
"Hamilton."  
"Please, we can allow ourselves to be on a first name basis," Alexander laughed frankly.  
"Alexander, then."   
Alexander leaned on the wall and sighed.  
"What happened?"   
"Thomas broke it off."  
"Mm. Figured."   
"Yeah. Well, I shouldn't bother you any further. I should head out."   
"Don't you room with him?"  
"I-"  
"I know it's not my place, but you're free to stay here. Plus, I'm an alright shoulder to cry on."   
"How do you know that?" It was weak, but James laughed.   
"Drama follows beauty? I don't know, I've just heard it before."   
"Don't take it personally, I just don't know you that well."  
"I understand. Still, you shouldn't have to go back to that place. So," Alexander expanded his arms. "You're welcome here."   
"Th...thank you. I will most likely take that up."  
"Alright," Alexander hit his legs and stood up. "I'll tell the others."   
"Okay. And thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So far, this story is very jeffmads centered, I know, but I promise there will be more. I want to know what y'all think, so please leave comments!


	9. coming to fruition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heart to heart conversations and trigger warnings, once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that none of this sounds fetishized, that is not my intention in the least. And this hopefully doesn't seem like cheap plot device either, I think that it builds Thomas into the character he is and shows more about himself and why he is the way he is, because he's been conditioned.

Thomas didn't want to walk inside. He didn't want to deal with the silence that'd ensue after he closed the door with him inside. He knew he broke James's heart, he knew everyone knew he did. Now was not the time to barge in. So he stood outside, waiting for the right time to come. It didn't. 

James waited until he felt enough time had passed. He appreciated that they let him stay, but he couldn't for much longer. He never felt right at other's houses, and he would only lie awake, thinking of all the hurt he was feeling. Right now felt like a good time to leave. The chatter had quieted, and lights had been turned off.   
He zipped up his jacket and slowly opened the door. He was immediately greeted by Lafayette.  
"Slipping out?"  
"I guess I am."  
"I understand. Meeting with Thomas?"  
"No."  
"Mm, I see. I will let you go, I will explain to them in the morning. Keep yourself safe."  
"I will."   
Lafayette gave him a pat on the back and walked into the room behind him. James took a breath and started walking ahead once the door was shut. He felt the cool breeze when he stepped out of the apartment. It had to be close to morning.   
"James."   
The familiar voice made James tense up. He kept walking.   
"I know- it's easy to walk away. Please don't do what I did and hear me out."   
James turned around, his brows furrowed, biting his tongue.   
"You have every right to push me away. I do it more often than I should to get the love you give me. Or- gave," he coughed. "But- I want to do this. And you can leave at any time, if you so choose to-"   
"Can you shut the hell up?" James pinched the bridge of his nose and stepped closer. "I was willing to come back before you said anything. Just try not to do this often, okay?"   
"No promises," Thomas smiled sadly. "I mean, I'll try-"   
"But your dad." James said, and Thomas looked at his feet. "Who is he? What does he do?"   
"Fucked up shit, James," Thomas exhaled, hiding a shudder. "I can't fight him."   
"I hope you'll trust me enough to tell me... about him." Thomas looked upand saw James staring unblinkingly at him.   
"I already do," he laughed quietly. "I just- don't want to ruin the moment."  
James said nothing for a few seconds.   
"Alright."  
"Alright."  
"Are you okay... if I hug you?"  
Thomas smiled a genuine smile. "Definitely."  
James walked closer and pulled Thomas into an embrace. He moved his hand to Thomas's neck and rested his head on his shoulder. The pair stood there, and only God knows how long. James didn't notice Thomas's tears.

"Every night is another sleepover," Maria sighed. "I guess we can have another one. Come in, I'll put something on."   
"I'm sorry. My life is moving so fast, guess this place is my anchor," Thomas walked in slowly, holding the door open for James.   
"That's sweet. I can make some food, or maybe put on some coffee- do you guys want anything?"   
"To sleep," James sat on the couch.   
"I guess that's fair. Mmm." She paused and stared at the ground. Sorry," Maria waved at the air in front of her, as if trying to get herself out of a trance. "I keep getting hit with adrenaline, so it's hard for me to think of sleeping."   
"Where's the adrenaline coming from?" Thomas asked, sitting right next to James, but inching away shortly after.   
"No where. Well, you guys. I'm concerned," she walked over, drinking... something from a mug. "Do we talk about Thomas's father now?"   
"What?" Thomas looked up quickly.   
Maria stared at Thomas for a few seconds with unblinking, narrowed eyes.   
"If you want to."   
"Later. I'm tired," he pretended to yawn, but he felt much more awake now then before.   
"Okay. Should I lurk until I'm drained or do you want me to leave?" Maria stood up.   
"I don't care," Thomas shrugged. "James?"   
"I'm a light sleeper so-"  
"I got it. I'd prefer if you were here in the morning, but..." she looked at the pair. "Stay safe if you leave."   
"Will do," James said quietly.   
The obligatory "good night" came and went, and the two were alone in the darkness. Both had no idea what to say, but felt they should say something. They sat inches apart, the space between them like a barrier.   
"Will you ever tell me what your father said?" James said, after serious consideration over whether to or not.   
"Why are you so convinced I met him?"   
"Do you want my honesty?"  
Thomas thought to himself for a moment. He sighed and gave in.   
"Yes, yes I do."  
James took a second. "We all saw how you acted when he was there. Usually, you're so outspoken and charismatic, but when he was there-" James had to wonder if he was overstepping it. "You shut off." James could faintly see Thomas's silhouette shift in the dark. "So," he swallowed. "If someone had that power, and they didn't like what you were doing, they could-" James didn't know how to finish the sentence, but Thomas knew what he was going to say.   
"He could what."  
"Forget about it Thomas, I don't need to know."   
More silence. James shifted. Thomas shifted. The silence was broken.  
"James- I am gay. I know that much. I know that I love you, God, do I fucking ever, and I feel I can trust you. So, I'll tell you this: I'm scared halfway to hell of my father."   
James unknowingly inched closer. He was not about to miss a second of what Thomas was saying.   
"And- there's a lot of reasons for that. He's physically abused my siblings and I since we could walk, maybe even before. He threatened us with death on multiple accounts. But the reason I fear him the most, and why I thought breaking things off with you was good was because-" he choked. James reached out to him, lightly resting his hand on his shoulder. Thomas flinched, but didn't push him away. James took his hand back on his own incentive.   
"It's okay, Thomas. Take your time."   
"He's been... sexually assaulting me from when I was 16 until... now."   
James's eyes widened. "Holy fuck," he breathed. He had so many questions, and so many things he wanted to do to comfort him. What he couldn't shake was the guilt he had for having sex with him. Thomas had likely grown up thinking that it was a punishment, or he had been brought up thinking it was something he had to do. And James, whether consciously or not, had taken advantage of that.   
"I'm so, so sorry," James said, facing him. Thomas's head was turned away.  
"Don't be. I only learned that's what he was doing from our good friend... Alexander. He went on one of those rants and I looked into too much because hell, the concept of kids not knowing they were growing up abused struck a chord with me. My dad kept that information as far away as possible from us. I guess I was bound to find out sometime that the worst punishment for stepping out of line was actually rape."   
He said it all so monotone. It was purely information to him, or at least he was trying to make it seem like that.   
"He did it to my siblings too. That's the worst part," Thomas's voice wavered. "I could've helped them. I guess it started after I defended 'the gays' to his face. Well, no, come to think of it, my parents got into a lot more fights at that time. Maybe he was just lacking... human touch." Thomas said everything plainly.   
"If I ever mentioned anything remotely gay, that was what I got," Thomas sighed deeply. "I thought that maybe, just maybe, he couldn't touch me here. But..."   
James sat up. "Thomas. No. Did he? Here?"   
Silence. James covered his face in shame. "I was such a fucking idiot for leaving you alone with him. I could've stopped this."  
"He-" Thomas was breathing heavier now. "He didn't get very far... He asked me what you did to me, if we had slept together or not... He asked how you 'tasted.'" James could hear the disgust in Thomas's voice. "He was screaming at me, telling me I could've controlled myself, how I was getting what I deserved. He hit me."   
"Where?" James asked, ready to show concern at any moment.   
"My ribs, mostly. Maybe around my stomach. He turned me over, we were on a couch. It was Seabury's place. He had let him stay there while they were searching for me. He was long gone out of the apartment at that point."   
James closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. It was all so difficult to hear. Thomas seemed on the verge of tears, but he still attempted to keep his voice strong.  
"I'd never been saved before. Not once. In my house, in his office, no one rescued me. But there was a phone call this time. I thought he'd just ignore it, but he answered. I was lying bare ass-naked on the couch while he talked, too scared even to fucking breath." His voice broke then. He started to whimper, putting his face in his hands. "Of course it wasn't the end of it, I could never be 'saved.'" He said bitterly. He brought his head up, looking ahead, sniffing while he spoke. "He ordered me to stand up, then he groped me and bit my neck. He told me to... remember how this felt." He turned to look at James. "I don't think I can forget." He started to whimper again and eventually was nearly sobbing. James stared wide-eyed, unaware of what to do. "Oh my God," he whispered. "Is physical touch not good for now-"   
"It's fine," Thomas laughed and wiped his nose, still sniffling profusely.   
James wrapped his arms around Thomas, trying to cover as much of him as he could. It was almost a shield to stop anything else from hurting him. They held the embrace for so long, Thomas began sobbing again, and James held him even tighter.  
"I'm- so sorry- will you ever-forgive me?" Thomas said, in between sobs.  
"For what?" James laughed quietly.   
"For- trying to break it off."   
"You have no need to apologize. I understand now."   
James held Thomas tighter, stroking his hair.   
"Are you sure my hugging you is okay?" James asked.   
"What do you mean?"  
"Physical touch- especially after your father-"   
"James, you are not him. You are the man I love, and I will never allow him to make me think that's not the truth."   
James smiled to himself. Then debated asking another question.   
"And our sex?"   
Thomas laughed softly. "James, it was amazing. Thank you for showing me what that was supposed to feel like. I wouldn't have had anyone but you."  
James sighed in relief. He pulled Thomas in closer, kissing the tip of his ear.   
"I'm never letting you go."  
"Good, I don't want to go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> COMMENT! I love those. And thank you for the support thus far, it's very nice---- never know how to rnd these---


	10. the consequences of being noticed

Maria bit her lip, staring into the darkness. She thought to look back to it, but she held herself back. She covered her eyes with her fingers. She would've put on some music and drifted away, but she couldn't bring herself to move. So she just layed there, drowning in her thoughts.   
Until morning dawned. Her alarm clock on her phone went off, so she had to touch it.   
[2 new messages]  
She sighed, unlocked her phone, and opened her messages. It was a text for her phone company.l Maria took a breath and leaned back. It was only a matter of time until it'd happen again.   
She couldn't go back to sleep, so she left to the kitchen. Then she realized that James and Thomas were likely in there. There was no where to go to distract her. There was no where to hide. 

"Guys, the scandal's being reported," Hercules said, walking past everyone eating breakfast.   
"By who? Who in their right mind would waste time trying to do a story on us?" Thomas asked.   
"It's an independent news network. On YouTube. The guy gets a good 50k views a video, if that number means something to you."  
"Let's watch it," James said. Hercules pulled it up on his laptop and set it on the counter.  
"Peter Jefferson, one of the first Republican Senators in Virginia in decades has recently had a rough run-in with the LGBT+ community, helping to pass a recent bill which protects public service employees who want to refuse service to that community. Here's the kicker, Jefferson's son, Thomas, has recently been reportedly seen being intimate with another man at the university he is attending in New York." Thomas grimaced and looked down. James remained expressionless. "What does this say? Well, here's my take on it: of fucking course. The basis of the bill is that it's discrimination based on a choice, it's right there, read the fine print folks- and this just proves how idiotic that actually is. This kid, raised to hate himself- assuming he is gay or otherwise- has every reason to "choose" to be heterosexual, so why does he do this? To spite his father? I'm not betting on that. And here's the thing, no one seems to be reporting this. Why? This is the story that will not only put Jefferson in-"   
"I think that is enough," Lafayette yawned.   
"We made a splash," Maria nearly whispered, smiling to herself.  
"We'll see," James began. "It's very unlikely to make national news, Peter could be putting pressure on any major outlets."   
"Can he do that?" Lafayette asked, interested.  
"Oh yeah," Thomas gave a small, begrudging smile. "Or- he has people who can."   
"We did just fine. We weren't ever trying to make national news anyway. Let's not forget that these two are a thing now," Maria said, gesturing vaguely towards Thomas and James.   
"Yeah, if anything, we should be glad that went off without a hitch," Hercules raised his hand in the direction of the couple.  
"What do you mean?" James asked.  
"We heard you two were fucking the same night you hooked up," Lafayette nearly giggled. Thomas and James looked away in different directions.  
"You guys actually liked each other is what he means," Hercules laughed. "We didn't know if you guys would... reciprocate, I guess. That's the best way I can put it."   
"And you did. So we're good," Maria nodded. "Has anyone else reported it?"   
"Not that I know of."  
A few moments of silence.   
"How much longer are you guys planning on staying here?" Maria asked.   
"I don't know, we should probably head back soon," Thomas said, then he froze at the thought. That was near the place where his father had-  
"Are you sure? Seabury might be an ass," Hercules said. Thomas was able to snap himself out of the panic, but he knew it would arise again the more he thought about it.   
"Let's talk about it later," James offered. Thomas sighed, him being the only one knowing it was out of relief.   
"Well, this place is always open," Lafayette said. "Never an... inconvenience to have you two over."   
"Much obliged," James said, taking a drink of water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments, I want to know what you guys think of this chapter, and just the whole story in general.


	11. maria

"You should take a shot. You could totally score here," Hercules nudged Maria.   
"So she's into girls. So what? Doesn't mean I have a chance," Maria rubbed her neck, staring at her, focusing on making her gaze not too depressing.   
"Maria," Hercules held her shoulders and stood face to face with her. "You are fucking gorgeous. And you deserve happiness. Do you want me to talk to her?"   
Maria felt the regular negatory response in her throat, but she swallowed it.   
"Sure. Guess I have," she took a breath. "Nothing to lose."   
Hercules smiled and patted her back. "Here comes her number," he said, and turned away. Maria bit her lip, leaning on the counter. Someone tapped her shoulder.   
"Hey, pretty girl. Haven't seen you around here before."  
It was a man in what looked like his late 20's, early 30's. He had a scruffy beard, short hair, and a yellow smile. He was tall and... scrawny, not strong in the slightest. Yet- Maria couldn't help how she felt. She looked to the ground, hoping he'd ignore her.   
"You ignoring me, sweetheart?"   
Sweetheart. Maria turned around and faced the bar-tender. She couldn't quite catch his eye.   
"'Scuse me, I just wanted a chat with a pretty girl." The guy muttered to himself, taking a drink.   
Good, he was over it quickly. Hercules was coming back, and she smiled, both out of relief and excited anticipation.   
"So?" The man from before eyed her when she spoke, and she felt it.  
"So? She wants to talk to you. Dude, you're in. And you can thank this guy right here," he gestured to himself, grinning. The both of them laughed and Maria chewed on her inner lip.   
"Go- and let me know if you don't need a ride home."  
"Herc..."   
"Go, I'll see ya."   
Maria smiled and walked over. Ariana's face lit up as she did, and she looked around at her friends, who also got a sudden burst of energy. They quickly made space for the two of them.  
"Hey," Ariana said in airy voice when she was in earshot.  
"Hey," Maria's lip curled into a slight smirk. Ariana looked absolutely stunning, and she was moments away.   
"Your friend came by, said you had a proposition?"   
"Guess I better come up with one." The both of them laughed to themselves. Maria listened to the music and pulled her mouth to one side. "Would you like to dance?"   
"You're asking someone who's going to minor in Dance and Pop Culture. Of course!"   
Maria held out her hand, and held in any reaction when Ariana took it. It was very difficult not to when she grabbed her waist. 

"Dancing, huh. Sounds very romanticized, I'm sure he'll love it," Maria sighed. She looked up to James and smiled.  
"It's just an idea. I don't know," he said, somewhat flustered.   
"That's definitely not something you'd forget. You want to make this something to remember?"   
"I- I suppose."   
"Alright, what music do you want for this?" 

"H-holy-" Ariana inhaled. She grabbed onto the bedsheet. "Jesus Christ... don't stop, don't stop, don't stop-"   
She screamed out of pleasure and arched her back. Maria licked her lips slowly and layed beside her.   
"Was that good?" She asked.  
"Very good," Ariana laughed breathlessly, kissing Maria's forehead. Maria smiled, a small "d'aww" escaped her mouth.   
"I know you just ate me out, but you are fucking adorable," Ariana said, stroking her hair.   
"I guess that's the combo," Maria said softly. Most only stayed for the first part, Maria guessed that made Ariana different.  
Ariana pulled Maria closer, wrapping her arms around her torso.   
"Stay?" She whispered, the warm breath on Maria's ear.   
"Okay." 

"You still haven't broken it off?" Hercules asked, eyes wide. "Jesus, Maria! That guy is... he's insane! If you aren't going to do it, I will."  
"No, you're not," Maria said, her voice unshaken. Hercules turned to her, his face twisted with confusion and hatred.   
"Why the fuck not? He's abusive!"   
"Don't go throwing words around in issues you don't understand," Maria muttered, shoving him away.   
"Maria, I'm not going to let him do this to you anymore- I can't stand to watch you get hurt. Please. I will get down on my knees and beg you. You deserve better, and you can have it. Leave him and see Ariana again. I know you liked her, and she liked you. You two deserve each other."   
Maria stared at the ground. "Goodnight, Herc." She opened the door and turned around to look at him. He turned and walked away, dejected. She wanted to thank him for caring as much as he did, for still putting in an effort. But she couldn't get the words out.  
She did say this. One thing as he faded away.   
"Ariana deserves better."   
She walked inside. She hung her coat up and walked to her room. Her mom caught her on the way.  
"Were you talkin' to James?" She asked, lowering her glasses.  
"No, haven't heard from him all week," Maria lied. "Night mama."  
She kissed her mother goodnight  
"He's a nice boy. I hope you'll marry him someday."   
"Mm." She closed the door and checked her phone in the dark.   
[Three messages]  
James: I don't think you should go out anymore  
James: To Planet especially   
James: It's just what's best for you. I'm trying to look out for you and it's hard when you put yourself in danger. Love you.  
Maria held her phone to her chest. She sighed heavily and went to her bed. She felt trapped. Fucking exhausted. It was times like these she wanted to just end it all. It was stupid, but then she would finally be free, free from all the pressure everyone put on her. Free from him.   
Maria: I've had a nice time with you, Ariana. But I think we should end whatever we started. It's for the best.  
She never got a response, and she never saw her again. Did it break her heart? Well, maybe what was left of it. But this was a routine now. Maria never got what she wanted, it was always what James did. And James had her trapped. She just hoped the time to leave would come eventually, but she only fell deeper and deeper. The day of highschool graduation, he got down on one knee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It takes a while to write these to the point where I like them, so I'm really sorry for the wait.


	12. the things that never leave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings from before are present. Thomas and James just... talk. Maria wishes she had someone to talk to.

Thomas and James layed in eachothers embrace on the couch. James's arms around Thomas, he felt himself slowly falling asleep.  
"I can't believe you're still here," Thomas said quietly.  
"Hmm?" James was wide awake now.   
"Oh- it's nothing."   
"Thoma-"   
"I didn't say anything. Goodnight."   
James frowned and squeezed Thomas's hand. He then whispered, "I'm not going anywhere. What gives you that idea?"   
Thomas paused. But only for a moment.  
"Everyone- has. It was all just 'fervent meetings in the night' after my dad-" Thomas paused, aware that James likely didn't appreciate his father. He continued nonetheless. "After he came down hard. Nobody I met wanted to deal with that, and I guess I shouldn't blame them." He took a deep breath. "Guess you just get used to it. The people coming... and going..."  
James was quiet, stroking Thomas's hair. The two were quiet for a while.   
"Thomas... what was it like? Under your dad, dating people."   
"Dating girls? Fine. Dating boys? He didn't find out. There was this one party- we played a stupid teenage game, seven minutes in heaven," Thomas sniffed. "Me and this well known gay dude got hooked up and... well... I knew gay people existed, I just didn't think it'd happen to me, you know? The guy was really nice, we talked for a while, and then- things just happened." James looked at Thomas's face, trying to gage his reaction. His eyes looked sad, slightly reminiscent.   
"He did ask, right?" James asked, slightly scared for the answer.   
Thomas laughed, somewhat forcefully. "Yeah, yeah, he did. That's what made my dad doing it-" he stopped midsentence, swallowing his words.   
"Jesus, Thomas," James sat up slightly, getting a better view of Thomas's face.  
Thomas laughed, the corners of his eyes wet. "The first time, he was showing me 'what I wanted.'" His voice got harsher when quoting his father. He looked down, his eyes full of the same sadness, but now to the brim.   
"Thomas... you never deserved what you got. And that's... disgusting. He's... so fucked up." Thomas stared ahead, and James wondered if he even heard him. "I'm sorry for asking. You can forget I did."  
"No, no, it's okay. Good to know you're interested." He looked up and gave him a small smile. He looked back down again and sighed.  
"James?"   
"Yeah?"  
"What will my dad's next move be?" He still stared ahead.  
James didn't know what to say. "I don't know, but it shouldn't matter-"  
"I want to know if I'll see the kids again."   
"You will. They'll move out."   
"My dad's going to shit-talk me until the day he dies. They'll grow up hearing that-" he laughed, furrowing his eyebrows, scratching his stuble. "I-I love them, they're going to hate me. Ain't nothing I can do."   
He stared straight ahead, silent. James didn't say anything.  
"But it's not like he's there often. They don't get to see him as much as I did. Heh, lucky me. I wonder if they're still scared shitless of him. I wonder if it's worse. I have no idea."   
"You can visit them, right?"   
Thomas sat up and turned around to look at James. "Yeah, I can. I can go see my father again. Be made an example of in front of my family."   
"I didn't say you had to go alone, Thomas," James said sternly. Thomas's face softened. "Look, I said I wouldn't leave your side, and whatever that means, I plan to follow through."   
"James..." Thomas said, softly.  
"Hmm?"   
"I just- can't believe how much I fucking love you," he half-laughed in awe. He moved in to kiss him and James reciprocated. It was soft, and slow. Thomas pulled back, laughing to himself.   
"Through all the fucking bullshit, I gotta remember that I still have you," Thomas stretched his arms and yawned. "Should we try to sleep now?"  
"Nothing sounds better," James said, and wrapped his arms around Thomas's torso, lightly pulling him down on the couch.

"Herc," Maria whispered. "I need to talk."   
He didn't stir. She shook him, she felt a little guilty, but he did say she could do this in an emergency.   
"Hello?" He said, sitting up.   
"Hey, Herc. Can we talk?"   
"Give me a second-" he blinked and readjusted his jaw. "Okay, okay, what about?"   
"He- he texted me."   
"What? Who? You expect me to know who would- oh. Oh shit." He rubbed his forehead. "When?"   
"A couple nights ago. I just ignored it."  
"Jesus. What did he say?"  
"A couple of things. Asked me how I was doing, said we should meet up."   
"Did you text back?"   
"No."   
"Good. Well, block him. You'll feel better, okay?"   
"Okay... goodnight."  
"Goodnight, love you."  
Maria couldn't utter it back, but she was sure Hercules would understand. She closed the door, and went over to the kitchen. James and Thomas had fallen asleep in a typical lovers pose. Maria smiled to herself but quickly replaced with a surly frown, finding the smile painful. She walked over to the fridge. There had to be some left, John couldn't finish them on his own-  
The front door opened. Maria held her hand to her chest, immediately regretting not ducking down. She turned around slowly, absolutely terrified.   
"It's just me, Ria," John said, slowly, smiling in an attempt to reassure her.   
"Oh, okay. I was just heading to bed," she said quickly. She smiled for a moment, but it gradually disappeared.  
"Why are you up so late in the first place?" John walked closer.   
"I could ask you the same thing. I could ask why you're coming home at this hour," Maria forced another smile.  
"Are you going to?" John returned the expression.   
"What do you think?"   
He smiled to himself. "There's a boy."   
"No shit," Maria raised her eyebrows. "You and Alexander haven't visited in a long ass time."   
"Yeahhh. You know, he's started writing me these really long and detailed emails?"   
"Wow, what a fuckboy."   
"I knowww," John said sarcastically. "They're really sweet- just- I never expected them. He's so fucking- just- ahh!"   
"You are what is known as 'head over heels' my friend. But Alexander seems like a good guy. Though, if he breaks your heart, I'm breaking his knees."  
"Jesus," John's eyes widened. "Okay. That may be too much."   
"Well, I'm not letting shitty relationships happen in my house," she said, then realized exactly what she said. Her eyes turned sad, and John noticed.   
"Ria," John said softly. "Are you alright? Did he-"   
"What? Oh, uh-" she looked up at him, her brows pinched and her mouth a thin line. "He- he texted me."   
"Shit," John looked up. "I'll break HIS fucking knees."  
Maria grimaced. "It's late. Let's forget about this for now-"  
"He lives in New York, right? All he has to do is look into the student directory, and then he can find you-"   
"John-" Maria raised her voice.  
"Ria, he can't just-" John started defensively.  
"Let's talk about it. Tomorrow," Maria said sternly.   
John frowned. "Okay. I got it. I'm sorry, and goodnight."   
He walked away slowly. Maria stared at the countertop. She hated him, he was awful, so why couldn't she listen to people shit-talk him?   
Shit.   
Did she-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So,,, I got a really thoughtful comment that gave me a lot of inspiration to write so reminder that comments are very much appreciated!


	13. the first two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the first day of Sunner classes, but they haven't started yet, so there's plenty of time until then, right?

"Pride?"  
"Mm. Pride."  
"So...?"  
"What?"  
"Well, what do you think?"  
James laughed. "I don't know if I've told you this, but I never intended on staying in the closet. You were just... the final step." He clinked his mug against his. Thomas stared at him for a few seconds.  
"I'ma ask again, then."  
"Well-"  
There was knocking on the door. Well, that's how it started. It quickly turned into loud banging. Thomas eyed James. "Where have we seen this before, eh?" It got louder, and Thomas rolled his eyes and slipped out of his chair. He walked over, yelling, "I'm coming, calm the fuck down." He opened the door.  
"Thomas-" It was fucking Samuel.  
"Sam? What the fu-""  
"Did I... interrupt something?" He glanced around, knowing damn well that he likely was.  
"Yes." Thomas frowned, his eyes in a dead stare.  
"I'm sorry- I just- wanted to know what's going between the two of you," he was visibly nervous. "Whether or not you've taken-"  
"You know that George is down for a good dicking?" Thomas folded his arms, keeping the same, dead expression."You should take him up on it, might help you... figure your shit out."  
Sam's eyes narrowed, and he stuttered, "No- I-I- look, either way, your father is wondering, and he wants an answer."  
Thomas took a step back, his eyes widening slightly.  
"How in the FUCK," he yelled, letting go of the door and walking into the apartment. "Do you get in touch with him?"  
Sam caught the door and walked in. James was still sitting at the table.  
"He gave me his number, when he was at my place. Look, do I tell him you are or are not?"  
"Not what?" James asked, Thomas walking over to the other side of the room.  
"Going against him," Sam stood up straight. James sighed.  
"Look Sam, this doesn't need to be the problem you're making it out to be," he said. "Just realize there's no real problem whether we're together or not, okay?"  
Sam straightened his posture, finally regaining composure. "Even if you don't believe some higher being , Thomas's father does." Thomas groaned and stormed over "And he holds more control over your lives than you can imagine."  
"This sounds like extortion," James raised an eyebrow.  
"I'm just letting you know what stands."  
"I think we are already perfectly aware."  
"So, what am I going to tell him?"  
"You don't have to tell him anything. Look, Sam, we came in at the same time, I've known you as long as that. I'd consider us friends. I understand you think the only way for you to progress is through helping those who are already in high enough positions. But, these people aren't going to help you, they're going to hurt Thomas. He's a friend of yours too, he just-" he moved his head in the direction of the bathroom. "You know."  
Sam took a breath. "I'll... I'll block him. He doesn't need to know, for now, but if he decides to intervene-"  
"I hope you'll make the right choice. And thank you."  
Sam nodded and pulled his mouth to one side. "I guess that's all. I'll be heading out. See you."  
"Goodbye," James said. Thomas opened the door and sat back at the table.  
"Bye."  
Sam held the door for a few seconds before closing it slowly.  
Thomas rested his fingers on the bridge of his nose.  
"He's going to tell him," he said quietly.  
"And if he does?" James looked over to Thomas.  
"If he does... well..."  
"It will go much better than you're expecting. And we've got each other, your dad can never take me away, regardless of what he says," James put his hand on his.  
"You can't guarantee that," Thomas laughed quietly, then bit his lip.  
"I'll always be some sort of force in your life, whichever way that'll be." Thomas looked down at their hands, and James inched forward. "You're too good of a person to lose."  
Thomas face cracked into a wide smile. "All this lovey-dovey shit," he eyed James. "Is really getting me-" he paused. He raised an eyebrow and bit his lip through the smile. James raised both his eyebrows.  
"Seriously? Right now?"  
"When do your summer classes start?"  
"Well, not until one..."  
"Works for me-" Thomas pulled James's hand and led him to the bathroom.

"Explain it one more time."  
"Why? You've heard it so many times already."  
"Just- explain it."  
"Okay. But only because you're..." John smiled. "There's a number of things we'll need to do to stop our high incarceration rates. 1, decriminalize marijuana nationwide. The amount of inmates in the nation imprisoned due to some charge relating to the marijuana whether that be possession or actual consumption compared to those imprisoned due to a crime relating to violence, which demonstrates what? A clear problem."  
"Is he going on about this again?" Aaron walked in, dropping some papers on his desk.  
"He's fine this time, I asked him."  
"Why the hell would you do that? Is that something you guys as a couple do?" Aaron raised his eyebrows, leaning on the desk.  
"For God's sakes, Aaron, he's helping me prepare for my English class," Alexander said, faking annoyance.  
"What kind of English class are you taking?" Aaron laughed.  
"Well, the original assignment was that he would explain something about America's political climate that interested him and present it. Like usual, he's going overboard." John smiled and rested his head on Alexander's shoulder.  
"While I can admit I'm overdoing it, it will give a new perspective to a few people, which is what matters," Alexander explained, full of energy.  
"One person at the very least," Aaron smiled, looking at the two. "People just fall asleep in Summer classes, you think anyone actually wants to be in there?"  
"I do!" Alexander said loudly. "People take advantage of education, it really is something to seize while you can, and as much of it as you can."  
"You know what that leads to?" John lifted his head slowly. "These little beauties." He drew a line around Alexander's eyebags with his finger. Alexander loosened up, smiling with his mouth slightly open. He glanced over to Aaron who was grinning.  
"What? You're much worse with your girlfriend."  
"First, she's not my girlfriend-"  
"Mmhm."  
"Second, she has a boyfriend-"  
"Oh shit, man, you're in deep," Alex said exaggeratedly.  
Aaron gave a short laugh. "Not the only one."  
Alexander tilted his head and John rubbed his shoulder. "Don't know what you could possibly be implying there."  
Aaron rolled his eyes playfully. "Well, I'll leave you to it. You guys can 'study' for one of Alexander's classes." He stood up and walked out of the room.  
"There you go again, implying something. I have no idea what it is..." Alexander said, but the door was already closed. John layed back.  
"Alexander, I like you a lot," he said to himself, smiling softly.  
"Is that a fact?" Alexander turned to face him. "How much would that be?" He held his opposing hand and slowly maneuvered his way on top of John. He laughed the way Alexander had grown so accustomed to in the time he'd known him.  
"About as much as the amount of times I find you on top of me," John laughed.  
Alexander pulled his mouth to one side. "Too much?"  
"That sounds like the right amount."  
Alexander smiled. "Good, 'cause I like you a lot."  
John sat up slowly, grabbing the back of Alexander's neck and putting his lips on his own.  
"We probably shouldn't-mmh- do anything with- Aaron in the place," John said whenever he could get a breath in.  
"True as that may be, John," Alexander put his legs on top of John's and sat as close as possible to his crotch. "I'm getting very much into this."  
John bit his lip. Shit, he slightly resented Alexander had him as simple as that. "Aaron already hates me enough-" He gently protested.  
"Shh, he doesn't- let's talk about that later and focus on now," Alexander went after John's lips again, grabbing his shirt to pull him closer. John slowly lowered himself back down into the laying position. He moved his hand to the small of Alexander's back, and pushed his body onto his. Alexander took the initiative and started to rub himself on John's crotch, which John, to say the least, wasn't really expecting.  
"Jesu...s," he breathed. Alexander looked up to see John's reaction. John smiled and ruffled Alexander's hair. Alexander proceeded to shift his body down, lifting John's shirt.  
The door opened. "Hey, when do-" Aaron started. "Sweet Jesus, you guys," he sighed.  
"Alright, Aaron," Alexander said immediately, not turning to look at him. "Knocking is a thing." John sat up, trying to not make it obvious he didn't know what to do with himself.  
"Right, I know that, just- classes started a half hour ago," Aaron said.  
"What? Oh fuck, how did I not know?" He looked over at John. "You're coming with me."  
"What? Fuck no, I didn't sign up for any summer classes!"  
"Come on, you'll just say you're shadowing," Alexander stood up and slipped into his shoes. "Best thing about this place is that they're rarely uptight." Alexander shifted his jacket on.  
"A classroom environment? Alex, I don't even have my meds."  
"You're not going to be taking notes, you'll just be there with me," Alexander stared at him with those fucking eyes.  
Goddammit.  
"Fine, but you'll have to do something for me."  
"Not a problem, now let's fucking go!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments are the best I s2g, please leave more of them.  
> Most of the time I do write whenever I get free time, but I sometimes get really intense writers block or I just feel shit about my writing altogether, which leads to this shitty, irregular cycle, so I'm sorry.


	14. one of the revolutionaries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter Jefferson learns of his sons intentions which come to light on the first day of Summer classes.

N  
"Hamilton."  
"Mooorning."   
"Brought a friend?"   
"You got it."   
"Alright find your seat, we've got quite a bit of time before we begin."   
Alexander smiled at the professor and walked closer to Aaron. He coughed.  
"So, uhh, you said classes had started, my friend." He jabbed his side.  
"You were going to be late anyway, I just took the precaution." Aaron grabbed Alexander's arm after the jab. "I'm always right."   
"No you're-" Alexander sighed, exasperated. John laughed.   
"Now that's cute," John walked up to Alexander's side. Alexander gave a short exhale.   
"Is that your thing? Short tempered latino boys?"   
"I mean, you are what you eat... out," whispered the last word. Alexander snickered and put his arm around John. They started walking towards Alexander's prefered seating.  
"When do you stop being embarrassing?" Alexander whispered back.   
"I don't know, I really like the reaction I get."  
"What do you mean?" Alexander looked over to John and saw James in his peripheral.   
"Hamilton," he said abruptly.  
"Like I said, James, we're on a first name basis, you can call me whatever iteration of Alexander you want," Alexander said. John saw someone he recognized and went off to go talk to them.   
"Eliza wants to get in touch with you," James said plainly. Alexander was slightly taken aback.  
"Eliza? Are you the mutual friend who- nevermind. Why?" Alexander was somewhat fearing the answer.  
"I don't know. I didn't know you knew her."  
"Didn't know she knew you knew me," Alexander laughed somewhat nervously. "What did she say?"   
"Something along the lines of 'I'd like to get together sometime, not romantically-'"   
"Of course," Alexander interjected.   
"Right. Anyway, she texted Thomas, but he's not going to be here today, so I just-"  
"No, I got it." Alexander sighed. "So, you have a number I can reach her by?"   
"Still the same phone. I don't think Angelica's unblocked you-"   
"Did she really?" Alexander tried to make his smile seem fond. In actuality he could feel his heartbeat accelerate and palms sweat at the mention of Angelica. Good to know that she would probably still kill him on sight. Alexander looked over to John, who was talking to... oh shit, was that Peggy?  
"Are they attending now?" Alexander asked.  
"They have been. Have you not seen them? How do you know her, then-"   
"Look, it's a long story, you already know we were 'involved-'" Alexander took his gaze away from Peggy and focused it back on James. "Well, what were you told?"   
"It doesn't matter, she just was wondering if you'd be willing to go over to her place Friday," James stated, and upon seeing Alexander's confused reaction he added "It's a party."  
"Do we bring dates?"  
"For God's sakes, Hamil- Alexander, I don't know-" James took a breath. "Sorry. It'll be at 7, bring who you want. I don't know much more than that."  
"That's okay..." Alexander gave a small smile. "How... is Thomas?"  
James didn't answer, and soon, he didn't have to, with everyone finding their seats. Class was in session.   
"Hello, kids. I'm Professor Kline, this is your Current Political Climate class, and I really hate formal introductions." The class laughed, and John scooted closer to Alexander. "Now, does anyone have any news that has occured within... I don't know, the past week?"   
"Thomas Jefferson!" Someone yelled. Both John and Alexander sat up, exchanging looks.   
"Right, he was in my... uh, well, I shouldn't be expected to remember. Has something happened within the student body concerning him?"   
"He's not a homophobic asshole anymore!" Another voice yelled. Alexander couldn't hold back a humorous exhale. It was true, Thomas would sometimes go on these rants about how people should have some self control rather than get married or protest for rights. It always sounded kind of gay to Alex.  
"That's... always good," Kline said slowly. "How did this come about?" Someone raised their hand and Kline, who looked relieved to have a slight amount of order in his classroom, called on them.  
"At a party, he allegedly walked out with some guy he had been seen dancing with and making out with before."  
Alexander looked over to James, who was sitting a row ahead and to the left. His face twitched. He had to hold back a laugh because as humorous as it all was, it had to be awkward and painful as hell.  
"Alright. Well. This is all interesting news for us, but does it really affect the political climate?"   
"Does the name Peter Jefferson ring a bell?" Someone said. God, this was getting difficult to follow. "He's his son. In case someone took this class and didn't know squat about current events, Jefferson Senior was the one leading a battalion on the legalization of conversion therapy. So yeah, it might change it a bit." Alexander rolled his eyes.  
"The name did ring a bell..." Kline said, bringing a fist up to his mouth. "No one has tried to wage a war against civil rights like he has in... ages. You have to wonder why he does it. God, must've been hell for Tom-"   
"Can I use the restroom?" James stood up out of his desk so quickly that it squeaked against the floor.   
"Uh- yeah, sure. Make sure to be back soon."   
Alexander rapped his fingers on his desk. John slouched back. Both of them exhaled deeply. Neither of them knew what to do. 

"Soooo why do you want to meet with him?" Thomas asked, putting the phone between his ear and shoulder, searching for some bread.   
"Because it's unfair to leave things like we did. He deserves better than that," She answered.   
"Does he? I think you're far too forgiving, 'Liza." Thomas walked over to the drawer and grabbed a butter knife.  
"I've just been thinking about it a lot. And I don't want to enter a new relationship when my past one ended so badly."   
"Hold up. Number 1, he's been sucking some other guys dick for how long before even considering getting in touch? And number 2, what are these prospects of a new relationship?"  
"...it's nothing... probably. Don't worry about it."   
"'Liza..."  
"Look, I'll tell you about it on Friday, alright? There's no point in spoiling it now."   
Thomas sighed. "You will tell me, right?"   
"I will. Say hello to Maria for me!"  
"Wait-" she hung up. Thomas stared at his phone.   
"Jesus," he said under his breath. He leaned on a counter and folded his arms across his chest. He pulled his mouth to one side, getting an idea but wondering if he really wanted to see it play out. He stood there for a few moments before clicking his tongue and opening browser on his phone.

"Why don't we have a conversation about Peter Jefferson? I think he's quite an interesting case," Kline sat on the front of his desk.   
"Sir, with all due respect, is that what the class curriculum-"  
"This is a discussion class. We discuss whatever the hell we want, explain a few things, and after a few weeks you get half a history credit. What's not to love?" He laughed. "Now, who is Peter Jefferson?" A number of hands shot up. "Okay, you, red shirt, give us as much of his story as you can."   
"Well," the kid coughed. "The guy's unheard of- in the sense that he's doing things that you wouldn't be able to get away with years ago. He particularly hates homosexuality I guess because he's probably a little bit gay." There were a few laughs dispersed here and there. "Umm. He's gotten very far in where he's wanted to go, he's very close to removing marriage equality in a few Southern States-"   
"Which is bullshit!" Alexander said aloud on impulse, and there were murmurs of agreement.   
"Thank you, Alex, but let the kid explain some more."   
"Actually, there's not a whole lot more to be explained."  
"Oh, okay then. Alright, well, I'm going to allow you guys to use the internet to find out as much as you can until... 2:15. You can talk to your peers and exchange information." By the time he was done speaking, everyone had their phones out.  
"Yo," John tapped Alexander's side. "Look at this." Alexander looked over to see a headline that said: Senator Jefferson tearfully delivers message where he distances himself from his son, Thomas Jefferson.  
"For fuck's sake!" Alexander muttered. "This guy should just shut up."   
John frowned. "All the more shit Thomas has to deal with." He stretched his neck to look at something. "James still isn't back. Honestly, when Maria said this was going to be big, I didn't expect anything like this." His eyes widened slightly. "You don't think we're political enemies with every conservative person out there now, do you?"   
"Relax, they can't tie it back to us- I mean you guys," Alexander laughed awkwardly.  
"Fuck that!" John laughed. "You're one of us now. The Revolutionaries!"  
"Is that really what you guys call yourselves?" Alexander laughed jokingly.   
"Surprisingly, Lafayette was the one who really stuck through with it. I think he feels like it makes him more justified in coming to America, you know?"   
"Yeah, I got it. It'd be good to give myself a purpose, I suppose."  
"To the revolution," John smiled.  
"To the revolution!" Alexander repeated loudly, the pair laughing in unison, heads touching and one of Alexander's hands on John's neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) I'm really sorry I haven't uploaded in so long, I didn't have access to the program where I write this so I'm sorry!!! Though I probably have nothing to worry about since barely anyone follows this  
> 2) Please leave feedback! Nice comments are nice but they can be comments of any kind, I just want to know how this fic is being received  
> 3) that's all, thank you for your time!


	15. drinks with friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you're a public figure, words get around quick.

Of fucking course.   
Thomas stared at the headline. He couldn't look away, he could only read it over and over again. He didn't want to watch the video. His phone probably wouldn't support the player anyway.   
This was a reality, and he had to face it. He took a deep breath, running his hands through his hair, and watched as the curls bounced back. He decided he needed a drink of water, so he walked over to get one- except he didn't. He kept walking. He didn't realize it at first, but he knew where he was going.   
To his anchor.

The door opened, but it was attached to the bolt.  
"Maria-" Thomas said, slightly taken aback.   
"It's you- oh- okay-" She closed the door and within a matter of seconds it was open again.  
"Hey," she said, slightly out of breath.  
"Hey." Thomas stared at her for a few seconds with a raised brow. "Everything alright?"  
"Yeah- yeah- everything is..." she waved her hands, looking more than distracted. She swallowed. "Swell."   
"Are you- okay." He took a step inside. "I'm not going to lie, I'm concerned."  
"What? Why? I mean-" she stared at him for a few seconds with a wary and confused smile before sighing deeply. "There's no fucking point. My ex is texting me and he might be on campus."   
"Wow. Okay, how crazy we talking?"   
"He's just- he-" Maria balled her hands into fists. "He..."  
A thought came to Thomas, and he didn't like it.  
"Is he the reason you could..." Thomas started slowly.  
"Yes! Look, you know your dad and I know him, and the fact that they are comparable really should scare us both," she said, looking off to the side, trying to catch her breath. Thomas sighed and clicked his tongue.   
"Maria, you don't know- things. About my dad. I mean sure, he was abusive-" Thomas started, not really in the mood to compare that monster to an abusive boyfriend.   
"You don't know everything about him either!” Maria turned to face him now, her face going red with her very apparent helplessness. “We related on the abuse but he was also-"   
"My dad sexually assaulted me, Maria."  
Thomas frowned. Maria lowered her hands she tried to illustrate her point with. She stared blankly at him.  
“No shit? Same for this asshole."   
"You fuckin’ serious?” Thomas loosened his stance just as Maria did. They stare at each other, both in utter astonishment. They stare until they come to their senses and realize what the other just told them, and they are soon wrapping their arms around each other, trying to almost squeeze the fucking pain out of each other's system.   
"Jesus Christ, are you okay?" Maria asked, nearly clawing at him with how tightly she held him.   
"Oh my God, are you?" Thomas says into her hair.   
"I've- I've never really fessed up- I mean- told someone so casually before," Maria sort of laughed. “Oh fuck- I don't even-”  
"You're the second to know. After James. And shit, probably my entire family."  
"Hercules knew. We were friends in high school- that's when I met him- my ex. I mean, I honestly didn't know it was assault, I just kind of thought I had to go along with it-"   
"Fucking same sitch here man. He called it 'a punishment.' Pshh." Thomas clicked his tongue. "It's so fucking strange to be talking about it like this. I mean, before, I was in tears and shit."  
"And I was locking myself up in the apartment out of fear." She took a breath. "It's kind of nice to not be treated like a baby, not gonna lie."   
"Yeah," Thomas gave a small smile. "Jesus though, are you sure you're okay?"   
"You grew up with this, I'm sure I don't even compare."   
"You'd been dating this guy throughout most of highschool, that was about the same time for me."  
"Well. Shit. We've got a lot to unpack here."  
"Yeah..."  
"Actually- you know what? I've been so fucking inconsiderate, why were you here in the first place?" Maria sat down on the couch.   
"Right. Um. Dad." Thomas sat down next to her.  
"Fucking hate the guy,” Maria threw her hands in the air. “What'd he do?"  
"Publically announced he's disowned me," Thomas said, pretended this was a casual matter to him. "I mean, that's good, if I'm not his son, then I wasn't raped by my own fucking father." Thomas swallowed, his throat feeling suddenly stuck with the words that just left them. He forced a laugh in an attempt to force the feeling out, but it didn't do him much good. It just earned a pitiful stare from Maria.   
"Hey," she put her hand on his shoulder. "He wasn't your father. He was... an abuser and a rapist. A trash human being. So. He's a dick and he's not worth the worrying." Maria rubbed his shoulder, albeit awkwardly. She waited for a reaction, but Thomas just sighed. “Dammit, I'm no good at this, am I?”  
"You're fine. I just feel like shit. As much as I want to, you know, let it go, I can't. It's fucked up." Thomas rubbed his thumbs nervously.   
"Well, not much to do about that.”  
The two sat in silence, a fan from a distant room seemingly the sound barrier neither felt they had anything decent enough to break it. Thomas suddenly leaned forward and stood up, walking to a counter. He grabbed one of John’s (not properly) discarded bottles.   
"Do you wanna get wasted?" Thomas holds it and examines it as if it's the most interesting thing in the world. It could've been a joke, but it wasn't the worst-sounding idea.  
"At 3 pm? Right here, right now? Fucking sure, man."

"You all are 1/25th of the way, congratulations. Remember, it's Wednesday, Thursday and Friday until July 28th, okay? You're dismissed."   
James had showed up at the very end of class. Luckily for him, the first day graced him with a writing assignment. He could usually make it up as it went along and direct it into a subject he was actually interested in, but the subject was... Thomas's father. James sighed and grabbed his things. At least the subject matter was how much of a bastard he was.   
James was also grateful for the fact that no one seemed to recognize him as one of the subjects of the scandal. He kept thinking about the ways him and Thomas could have gotten together that would've been less "scandalous and grand," but it was pointless. This was definitely something he couldn't shake the consequences of, no matter how good the fantasy.   
His phone buzzed as he turned a corner. It was a text from Hercules. There had been three texts exchanged between them at most. This had to be something to look at.   
Hercules Mulligan: they're both drunk  
Hercules Mulligan: Maria and Thomas  
Hercules Mulligan: come pick up your boyfriend yo  
Jesus, it was still early afternoon. James didn't dislike the "Revolutionaries" or whatever they wanted to be called, he just wanted a quiet night in. He kind of wished his life was a lot more quiet, but there wasn't much to be done about that.

"James, thank God, they're both just- I don't know, give me a hand, will ya?" Hercules was hunched over Maria, trying to get her off the ground.   
"Yeah- sorry-" James sniffed. He looked over to Thomas who was drifting in and out of consciousness, leaning on a chair. They both looked so utterly helpless, so lost, so... They weren't getting drunk for a good time.  
"It's fine- he's your boyfriend, not a mess you're responsible for," Hercules leaned down to try to scoop Maria into his arms, but it wasn't the most successful approach. Meanwhile, James was too distracted by the fact that Hercules had called Thomas his boyfriend to also realize he had also called him a mess.   
"Actually... Thomas and I haven't gotten to that... point," James explained due to the fact he believed Thomas wouldn't want people to get it wrong, but immediately regretting doing so because he wouldn't people to know about something so personal.   
Hercules just snorted, finally getting a hold on Maria and setting her on the couch. "Thomas is taking things slow, huh?"   
"It’s his father," James said with certainty, but as much as it seemed like it, Thomas had never told him the exact reason why. He looked over to Thomas, aware he might be listening.  
"Mm. Speaking of which, did you hear that he dropped him this morning?"   
James looked back over to Hercules, a sudden sense of dread building in his stomach. "No?"   
"Maybe.." Hercules glanced at Thomas, who had completely drifted off. "I mean that'd explain the..."   
"What about Maria, then? Did she just not want him to feel left out?" James frowned.   
"I mean... she's been going through some shit lately..." Hercules stared at Maria and looked over to James. "Not at liberty to say."  
"Wasn't going to ask," James sighed. "You're a good friend though."   
"Thanks," Hercules laughed softly. "I'd imagine she'd do the same for me. I mean helping me out if I'm shit-faced, but she'd probably help me out in any situation. Afraid I don't know Thomas well enough to make that judgement." Hercules sat on a stool. "Most of the times we've spoken he's mistaken me for you."  
"Really?" James couldn't hold back a laugh.  
"Yeah, it's part of the reason I started wearing the beanie."  
"We've- I've wondered about that."  
"Go figure,” Hercules nearly snickered. There was a beat, but James didn't let it last long.  
"Where's Lafayette?" He wondered allowed.  
"I think he's on Skype with his parents. Usual past-time. I think they like me. 'Course, they're always speaking French."  
James laughed politely. "Well, do you think either of you could help me get Thomas back to our place?"   
"Check on Lafayette, I'm going to be here for Maria when she wakes up."  
"O...kay," James said slowly. He barely knew his way around this place, but it probably wouldn't be that difficult.

"It is no sweat, mon ami," Lafayette took a deep breath. "That is the correct usage, right?"   
"Yeah, you got it," James sat down and took a couple deep breaths.  
"Oui, good. Alexander explained it to me. Did you know he speaks french? Very useful.”   
"Sounds like it."   
"I think it is my time to leave. Do not worry about me, I will get home fine. I am willing to help you out if ever you need it, just ask."  
"Will do."   
Lafayette stretched and walked out of the apartment and left the building. The air was slightly cold, strange for the summer time. Lafayette noted other things around him. It was still light outside, which always brought Lafayette comfort. He couldn't stand to walk alone at night. Every face could be an unfriendly gateway into a too-familiar lifestyle. Daytime didn't hide anyone in the dark.

"You're back." Hercules said, not facing towards him, making something in the kitchen.   
"Oui. Maria?"  
"Still out. You know about her ex right? And how he's probably the reason she's like this?"   
"I have heard of him. He sounds like an asshole."  
Hercules laughs to himself.   
"That's the first time I've heard you describe someone as a negatory noun like that."   
Lafayette smiled to himself, finding it humorous that Herc would applaud something like that, but happy that he was happy for him. "One can pick it up when their friends only swear."   
"Sorry," Hercules laughed. He paused. "This probably would be easier if I just knew french."  
"Mm. Alexander does-” Lafayette noted how Hercules’ head tilted. “He could-”  
"Translate? That's a possibility, I guess."  
Lafayette was slightly thrown off by his lack of enthusiasm. He looked around, trying to think of something to say.   
"What do you think of John and Alexander?"   
Hercules paused and finally turned around. "Why're you asking?"   
"To make conversation.”  
Hercules laughed to himself and walked over to Lafayette. "Laf, don't worry about it. Your company is enough, you don't have to stress about talking."   
Lafayette licked his inner teeth and raised his eyebrows at him. "It's quiet."   
"The quiet is fine. You just wait until a topic comes up."   
Lafayette sighed and looked around. "Was it bad to set up Thomas and James?"   
Lafayette is surprised Herc doesn't immediately say it wasn't.   
"I don't know, but it's not like it's something we can undo now."   
"Thomas looks... so sad all the time. And I feel sad for him."   
"He only comes over when he's sad, Laf." Hercules gave a small smile. "I'm sure he's verrry content with James.”   
Lafayette raised an eyebrow before laughing into his hand. Hercules rolled his eyes and leaned in closer.   
"Are you always thinking about sex?"   
"At least I am not the one who slept with his girlfriend's mother- a lot of his girlfriend's mothers-"   
"Okay, number 1, fuck you,” Hercules started, trying to hold back a laugh. “Number 2, she was really hot. I know, I did it a lot- don't drag me like this."  
"But it is fun.” The two were now catching their breaths staring at each other with eyes full of humor, the two only a few inches away. Lafayette’s eyes darted to Hercules’ lips and he felt his heartbeat accelerate.  
Qu'est-ce que c'est?  
"Anyway," Hercules coughed, looking to right. "I stopped that. It got awkward after a while. I should check on Maria."  
Lafayette nodded, his heart rate not de accelerating. Herc walked around the counter and over to Maria. He gently shook her and she groaned in response.   
"Morning, Maria."  
"Jesus, what time is it?"  
"About 6ish. You in your hangover period yet?"   
"No. I've still got that... euphoria in my blood or whatever." She took a sharp inhale. "It's a little nice."   
Lafayette frowned to himself, but he couldn't stop thinking about what had just happened.  
"What the hell were you thinking?" Hercules asked dotingly, rubbing her face with his thumb.   
"I don't know. I felt like shit. I wanted to not, so I did what people normally do. He did too, where-” She looked around, lifting her head with Hercules ushering her to lay down once again.   
“I helped to take him home,” Lafayette said quietly. Hercules looked over to him, only because he had talked, but it still sent unfamiliar shutters down his back.   
Maria sighed sadly. "James is still a problem. Can't get rid of him with alcohol."  
"We can get rid of him," Lafayette offered. Maria laughed, which she regretted.  
"Ow, shit, my head. Thanks for the offer, Laf, but I'm good. Hopefully he'll just forget about my existence."  
"That's probably not going to happen. We'll have to face him eventually-” Hercules started, with Maria groaning.”We will. You don't have to. We'll just give him a message.”   
"Do not worry, friend," Lafayette smiled, putting his focus on her. "I helped carried Thomas home, I am not so weak." He paused. "I helped carried- I helped CARRY Thomas."  
"Nice..." Hercules said under his breath, smiling to himself. Lafayette hated that his heart skipped a beat.   
"Yunno, his dad really is an asshole-"   
"We're well aware," Hercules stroked Maria's arm lightly. "Oh, and speaking of assholes, great sentence starter I know, Lafayette called someone one today."  
"Is that good?"   
"Yes! Okay, look, Laf understands most of what I say, but actually forming his own sentences is more difficult for him, so-"   
"You embarrass me, Herc," Lafayette looked down, smiling. He knew Herc was probably directing the attention to him to help Maria forget about James, but he still appreciated it.   
Hercules looked back over to Maria. "Look, you don't have to drink to get rid of him. We can face him, okay?"   
"Mmhm," Maria said quietly. "Herc, Laf, I'm sorry." She took a deep breath and her eyes watered. “I've fucked up.”  
Lafayette got off his chair and walked over her.   
"Maria, you're doing just fine." Hercules squeezed her hand. "Get some rest."   
Lafayette sat down and kissed her hand. "You are one of the nicest people I have met, you can never be a fuck-up."   
Maria laughed quietly. "Thanks, Laf, and your english is coming so far. You're something amazing."  
She faded away slowly.  
"I'm really scared for her. She's starting to lose it," Hercules said, staring at her.  
Lafayette looked over to Hercules. His face had fallen. Lafayette put his arm on his shoulder hesitantly.  
"We'll be here," he said quietly.  
Hercules laughed. "A conjunction too. Today's full of surprises, isn't it?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A? Consistent? Schedule? What are you talking about????  
> In all seriousness, I'm sorry it's been so long. I've been out of it and I've just let it sit. Anyway, let me know if you like this, I don't know if my writing style has changed too much but it really feels like it.


	16. your boyfriend and his pills

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wouldn't you be devastated too?  
> Tw: Suicide attempt

"Thomas-"  
"I will never- never see them again-” Thomas said, his throat catching and finally giving way to a burst of sobs. "It's a fucking fantasy, you'll never get to meet them and they are going to grow up loathing me- if they don't already-”  
"That's not-” James attempted to protest. “You don't know that."  
"Yes I do!” Thomas said, his pitch raising. “I know my father and what he does, and he won't let me within five feet of him or the family for that matter because,” Thomas stuck his hand in the air and forced a laugh, making James’s stomach turn, “‘that's a scandal!’” His face fell quickly and he looked James in the eye. James tried to approach him, but Thomas backed away. “I will never see them again. I am fucking ruined."   
He turned away from James and let himself indulge in his sadness, letting out every gross and loud sob he could.   
"He'll..." his breath was shaky. "Kill me." He attempted to laugh. "He can. He'll get away with it too."   
"Thomas, has he made a threat to your life?" James asked, trying to get him to face him. "Thomas?"  
"No, not recently. He did it when I was small, and... the first time he-" Thomas froze and fucking wailed. James brought his hand to his mouth to prevent his own outburst at seeing Thomas's.  
"Why can't I just fucking die?" He groaned, letting himself fall on the nearest couch. “I just can't handle- I'm not strong enough to-”   
“Baby-” James found himself saying, his heart in his throat. He saw as Thomas grew blurry in his vision, and as he blinked, he felt them trailing down his face. He felt so fucking helpless, seeing a man he had loved for so long just- broken.  
Thomas stared up at the ceiling, occasionally emitting the same guttural noise, tears still streaming down his face.   
"I can't do it... James... I can't..." he said,taking shallow breaths. "He- he's got me... he's not letting go... and he can do whatever he wants as long as he lives."  
"He won't-” James felt his voice break. “He won't, he won't, I promise you-”  
James looked Thomas in the eyes, holding on to his hand tightly, shaking with every word. "I will never let him harm you again, I swear.” Thomas’s gaze was weak, but he kept it on James.   
"You can't always..." he started.   
"Shh..." James said, in the most gentle voice he could. He rubbed Thomas's hand with his thumb. "Get some rest. I'll be here until you fall asleep."  
Thomas stared at him and slowly drifted away. James shuddered and slowly stood up. He dabbed at his eyes with his shirt. He looked over to Thomas. Fuck, he couldn't leave him like this. He bent down to check his breathing. He seemed to be out, and he more than needed it after his... drinking with friends. He hesitantly kissed his forehead.  
“I'll be back soon. I promise.”

James had to hold himself back from pounding on the door.   
"Who is it?" He called.  
"Someone you used to call kin."   
James said plainly.   
"Shit, not you guys. Look, I'm not interested, it was one-night thing and I really don't appreciate the emails-"  
"Sam, it's me, James.”   
"Oh."   
Samuel opened the door but kept the bolt on. "I know why you're here. I had to tell him, you-"   
"Sam," James said, looking at as much as he could of his face through the crack in the door. "Please, open the door."   
Sam lingered for a few moments before shutting and opening the door. "What do you want?" He said, ready to shut the door again at any moment.  
"Can I come in?" James said calmly, glancing around.   
"I-I guess..." Sam looked him up and down. "But if you start something-"   
"I know, and thank you," James walked in slowly. The first he noticed was the couch. It was dark brown, had multiple stains, wared-down cushions, and... enough space to lay someone down. James's gaze took a depressing turn and Sam cleared his throat to snap him out of it.   
"Right, uhm-" James coughed, shaking his head once. "Can we talk? Just have a conversation?"   
Sam purses his lips. "James, there's no changing it. What you did was wrong, the repercussions are just evident now. I'm sorry, it's just how it is."   
"Sam," James said softly. "We used to be friends. We used to be able to trust each other. Do you remember?"   
Sam took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Yes. I do. But... it's different. I can't... permit that to happen. I'm sorry, but it's... not... right.”  
"Sam, I am no different from you. You know that, and even if you think my actions are wrong, you know that I'm still the person you knew."   
Sam stared at the ground.   
"You're a good person, Sam. I hope you'll realize what's important."   
James stared at Sam as he avoided his gaze. For a few moments, it was just like that, staring in silence. James coughed.  
"Well, that's all. Just wanted to clear the air. You do what you want, just remember Thomas approaches things very different from me. I'll see you."   
James exited the apartment and entered his again. He sighed and glanced over to the couch, which was lacking Thomas.   
"Shit," he muttered to himself. "Thomas?" He called out. He got no response and began walking towards their bedroom. From inside he heard scuffling.  
"Thomas-" he opened the door to find Thomas holding a bottle of painkillers, the contents of which had been emptied in his mouth. His eyes widened when he heard James and he attempted to swallow his mouthful. James froze for a moment, his heart rate accelerating and adrenaline pumping faster than it ever had before. He rushed over to him and attempted to take the pills out of Thomas's mouth, but Thomas fought back, shoving him away. James shoved Thomas against the wall, knocking the breath out of him and a few pills out as well. As they toppled to the floor, James dug his fingers into Thomas's mouth, pulling out as many pills as he could. Thomas didn't fight back, just emitted small cries and whimpers. James looked to see if there were any more left, and he hoped he could trust his vision when he didn't. Thomas stood against the wall, making no noise as his eyes turned glassy and slumped down to the ground. James put his face in his hands and sighed. "What the hell, Thomas? I'm calling poison control, you are not going to be left alone."   
Thomas watched as James frantically pulled out his phone and how he shakily entered the numbers he found on the bottle. He closed his eyes when he started to speak.  
"Hello? Hi, my boyfriend just attempted to kill himself by swallowing a large amount of painkillers."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You likes character, you gotta break them." I heard that once, it's probably bullshit. I don't know that people keep up with this or not, I'm just uploading for my sake.

**Author's Note:**

> I will update with other tags as I upload more. Not sure what my upload schedule will be, but it should be regular, as I've been writing this for a while.


End file.
